


When the Wind Blows We're Together

by That_Would_Be_Enough



Series: When the Wind Blows We're Together [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Death, DubCon is really just to be safe, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Oral Sex, Pirates, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, eventual poly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-11
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-13 09:29:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12981138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Would_Be_Enough/pseuds/That_Would_Be_Enough
Summary: John quirked an eyebrow, an edge of sarcasm in his voice. “Do all pirates have pet names for one another?”Lafayette ignored the question, but John couldn’t help but notice the corner of his mouth twitch. Interesting. “Alexander was right, you are quite a mouthy one. What are we going to do with you, John Laurens?” Lafayette’s tongue flicked out to lick his bottom lip. John blinked, noting the suggestive tone of his voice. He felt a tingling low in his stomach, pushing away any thought of what that might mean to the back of his mind.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! I'm so excited to finally start posting this!
> 
> Sorry the first chapter is a little short, it's just how the break between chapters worked out. I promise most will be longer.
> 
> This is part one of this collection, and I already have some plans for part two!
> 
> Hoping to post every other day.

Laurens had never been fond of the sea. The first time he had been on a boat he was only a child, maybe five years old, and he had cried half the trip, screaming and wailing about the uneasy feeling in his stomach and how far down he would drop if he were to fall overboard. He remembered creating all sorts of imaginary sea monsters in his head, every slippery plant below the surface some bloodthirsty creature about to clamp him in its jaws and put an end to his life. Of course he would never shed tears on a trip across the seas nowadays. He was too proud for that, his reputation that of an intelligent, prickly, brave young man bound for great things. Brave young men don’t whimper at the touch of seaweed or the nausea-inducing rock of the ship on choppy waves. 

He moved below deck to his chambers on the ship, the dizzy feeling in his gut slightly less pronounced with the waves out of view. He pulled out some documents from his bag, spreading them across the small table in his room, ready to review materials that he was to discuss with important political figures in France. They had been corresponding back and forth throughout the beginnings of the war in America. The French had been good allies to them so far, but they needed more assistance, more money and weapons and men if they were to win. That’s why Laurens was traveling across the sea. He had been trained in French growing up. Was charming and diplomatic when he mustered up the patience for it. Maybe, just maybe, this sea travel would be worth it if they secured more aid for their cause and John managed to keep his meals down the entire way. 

As he read through correspondence and talking points, sheets of data on supplies and casualties, and a list of their main goals in order of importance, he thought he heard someone shout above deck. He paused, tilting his head so his ear was angled upwards, but didn’t hear anything else. Perhaps just a squabble between crew members. He leaned back down over the papers, rehearsing his arguments in his head, the words becoming more of a memory at this point they were so ingrained in his brain. The one good thing about traveling by boat was that it gave you plenty of time to go over your work and prepare yourself for the challenge of convincing your allies to give you even more than they had already. He pulled out a piece of parchment, scribbling notes to go over more thoroughly later.  
Less than five minutes later, he was forcefully shaken out of this process by a deafening boom. The entire ship tilted, the sounds of waves crashing up against them and the crew above him shouting, before it fell back down against the water. He shoved his chair back, jumping to his feet and rushing towards the door as one of his crew members threw it open, a frenzied look on his face. “Pirates!” he shouted, motioning him up the stairs. John followed at a run, taking the steps two at a time and absorbing the information. Pirates. He knew they were out here on the sea, but he never figured they would run into them. If anything, he had been more worried about unfriendly Britons than pirates. 

As he emerged onto the main deck of the ship, he rushed up to the captain, his voice cracking as he spoke. “What’s going on? Have we been hit?” 

“Aye,” he responded, his tone more dignified than John could manage at the moment. “The side of the ship’s been hit. Cannons,” he supplied after taking in John’s furrowed brow. “It seems as though she was hit hard, but we’re still moving for now.” 

As John listened his gaze was fixed behind the captain at the large ship that had attacked them. Red sails puffed out in the breeze and cannons lining the side of it. He could almost make out the men standing aboard from here. “Fucking cannons,” he spat. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Well, what’s our plan? What can I do?” 

“We’re trying to outrun them for now, Mister Laurens. We don’t have the weapons to fire back. All we can do is try to get away, and I have my men working to make that happen now. Our boat is smaller, we may be able to catch the wind right and get a good lead ahead of them, separate ourselves enough to throw them off of us. If you want to be helpful, gather the guns and make sure our men are armed. If it comes to that, we’ll need a prayer and every man armed to win.”

John swallowed the lump in his throat and gave the captain a terse nod, turning on his heel and rushing to gather what he could, the man who had come to warn him on his heels. They worked as quick as they could, but he felt a sense of dread as the other ship seemed to get larger and larger. Cannons continued firing off at them, and he almost fell over as the boat rocked with the impact. He felt his stomach lurch after a particularly hard hit, but swallowed it down, continuing his task. Now was not the time to lose his lunch. He heard the captain curse loudly from across the deck as he glanced at the spot where they were hit.  
“We need men below deck to plug that now! Do whatever it takes!” John watched with horror as about ten men rushed below deck, realizing the worst had happened. They were sinking. The boat was sturdy, but it couldn’t survive a cannon blast like that. There was no way they could board the hole back up and seal out the water. The force of the stream rushing into the ship would be too much for them to work against. 

“We’re not going to make it!” John called out to him. “What do we do?” 

The captain didn’t answer him. Didn’t even turn around. Just continued to shout out orders to his crew. The minutes ticked by as John stood there, frozen to the floorboards and staring in shock at the scene playing out before him. He could hear the water rushing into the ship below him, could hear the men yelling and cursing. He could see the other ship getting closer and closer as they slowly descended, inch by inch, towards the ocean surface. They weren’t firing anymore, he noticed. They were approaching his own ship with purpose. John supposed they were going to loot what they could before the boat went under. He imagined they would attack and kill every man aboard. He considered his options in a panic. He supposed there was a certain dignity in drowning rather than being humiliated and murdered by pirates. They were getting closer, always closer, not more than two ships lengths away now, and he made a snap decision, hurrying to the edge of the deck and diving in before he could change his mind. 

The water was bitterly cold as he hit the surface, his entire body emerged in the icy waves in an instant. His eyes were squeezed shut, and he started scrambling back towards the surface, towards oxygen, his brain almost shutting off with the intense sensations and fear. He felt the air before he even realized he was back above the water, his eyes blinking open and his lungs gasping for breath. The wind stung against his drenched skin, his clothes weighing him down as he treaded water. He whipped his head back and forth, getting a sense of his placement. Both ships were still close. Too close. He needed to get away. Needed to put distance between himself and the men. Maybe he would be unseen. Maybe he’d find a bit of wood to cling to once the ship was done for, and he could float until another group came by. 

He watched the attack in a daze as he swam. The pirates finally got close enough and bridged the two boats, crossing over and making quick work of killing the men aboard his ship. The guns were not enough. These men were not experienced murderers, and the pirates were. They transported what they could across to their own ship, sacks of coins and supplies, and once they had looted what they wanted they left his ship to die among the sea. He had hoped they would sail away after that, quickly leave the scene of the crime and continue their plundering elsewhere, but today was not his day for luck. 

He stayed as still as he could while treading water. His heart pounding so hard he was worried it would beat right out of his chest. With muscles so stiff and sore from the effort of staying above the waves for this long, he realized he couldn’t keep it up forever. He wondered for a moment what death would feel like. Would it be quick? Would he fall unconscious before the worst of it took over? Would he spend the entire length of the process sputtering and flailing, begging for his own life like a helpless child? John Laurens was many things, but he was not helpless. He doubled his resolve and vowed that he would stay alive one way or another. For now, all he could do was wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like it! 
> 
> I love comments no matter how short or long they are <3 
> 
> Come talk to me on Tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls
> 
> Enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

John saw one of the pirates calling out, pointing in his direction. His heart sank, caught somewhere in his stomach, and he began swimming away again, the water splashing into his eyes and up his nose, coughing as he struggled through the waves. He hadn’t gotten far when a small boat raced up behind him, hands grabbing at his body, pulling him aboard. He didn’t have the energy left to fight it. His body was shaking from the cold as the two men tied his arms behind his back with a length of rope. He jerked a leg out to try and kick one of them, his stubbornness winning out over common sense, so they tied his ankles too. He blinked the salt water out of his eyes, getting a good look at his captors. Two men, muscled and bearded, skin bronzed from the sun. One of them grinned at him and he noticed two missing teeth. 

“What are you going to do with me?” he spat out through shivering teeth, his jaw clenched tightly and his face set in a scowl. “Why not just let me drown?”

“Shut up and sit still, pretty boy,” the other man said as he took a sip from a flask. “You’re not in a position to be askin’ questions.”

John bit the inside of his cheek, feeling the breeze blow through his soaked clothes. He remained silent, figuring talking wasn’t going to get him anywhere with these two. Allowed himself to be rowed towards the main ship, and lifted up onto the deck, manhandled out of the row boat and spilled onto his ass on the floorboards. As he shivered on the ground, he took in his surroundings. 

The ship was even larger than he suspected from a distance. He wondered where pirates had acquired such a ship. Wondered who was in charge and why he wasn’t dead at the bottom of the ocean by now. The two men hurried off across the deck and began talking to some others, gesturing and pointing to where he sat. He made eye contact with one of them as he glanced over and couldn’t help but tremble, the way he was staring at him shaking something deep in his core. He was short, probably around John’s own height, and had black hair hanging down to his shoulders, a goatee framing his face and a loose-fitting shirt hanging off his frame. John looked away first, the prolonged staring making him uncomfortable. 

Then the short man was swaggering towards him, another man, taller and darker, a step or two ahead of him. They stood in front of him, assessing the dripping wet boy on their floor. Finally, the taller one spoke, his question coming out with a strong French accent. “You are the Laurens boy, yes?” His dark eyes stared into his own, unspoken challenge in his face, daring him to lie. 

He arched his eyebrows in surprise and spat, “Who’s asking?” 

The shorter man laughed, smirking down at him. “He’s a mouthy one.”

“Ah,” the other man started with a grin. “How rude of me to not introduce myself. I am Gilbert Lafayette, captain of this ship. And this is Alexander, my first mate,” he added, motioning to the other man. “We were told a certain John Laurens would be on that ship you jumped off of, but we didn’t find him aboard. It would be a shame to throw such a…” He paused grinning down at him again with a glint of laughter in his eyes. “…lively young man overboard, but if you are not the Laurens boy we really have no use of you, and we don’t need another mouth to feed.” 

John chewed his bottom lip, trying to decide his next move. He kept his mouth shut as both men stared at him expectantly, refusing to damn himself one way or the other. After a few seconds of tense silence, the shorter one, Alexander, snapped impatiently, “Well? Are you John Laurens or not?”

“Yes,” he grunted, eyes turned down towards his lap. He focused on the stitch of his soaked breeches, unwilling to watch their reactions. 

“Well,” Lafayette said, his pleased tone making John feel as sick as he had been from the motion of the waves. “I’m happy to know we won’t have to waste a boy as pretty as you, Laurens.”

“Fuck you,” he grumbled, still staring downward. 

Alexander huffed a laugh at that. “You’re welcome for saving your life by the way. Don’t know what you thought you were doing, jumping into the middle of the ocean.”

“I had a plan.”

“I’m sure you did. A very poorly thought out one from the looks of it. Between the hypothermia and fatigue, you’d be dead within the hour most likely.”

“I wouldn’t have needed saving if you assholes hadn’t fired fucking cannons into my ship and slaughtered my entire crew.” He glanced up with that, glaring straight into Alex’s dark brown eyes. 

He shrugged nonchalantly, one corner of his mouth pulled up. “I suppose that’s true. Still, you’d be dead if Laf hadn’t spotted you. Least you could do is be a little grateful.”

John just continued to glare, wishing he had the use of his hands to grab Alexander around the throat and crush his windpipe, forcing him to shut the hell up. 

“So,” Lafayette began conversationally. “How much do you think your ransom would be worth, Laurens? I hear you are important to the American cause, and your father is an important man. You should be worth a pretty penny, no?” 

“That’s your plan, is it?” John couldn’t help but respond, his voice rising and his cheeks flushing. “You’re going to sell me off?”

“If they’re willing to pay the price,” he responded in an even tone. 

“If not,” Alexander added. “We could just sell you to a whore house. A pretty boy like you would go for a high price. I’m sure you’d get plenty of customers.” 

John’s face flushed even deeper as he shivered with the breeze, feeling very suddenly aware of the way his wet clothing was sticking close to his body. They wouldn’t dare sell him off to a whore house. They’d have his father and the whole American army after them. At least he hoped.

“Let’s get him below deck, Alexander,” Lafayette suggested. “The wind is brutal up here.”

“Some dry clothes would probably be a good idea too,” Alexander added. “It wouldn’t do to have him get sick and die before we get a payout.” 

John raised an eyebrow at that. “And what dry clothes would you suggest?” he asked bitterly. “All my belongings are at the bottom of the sea, clothing included.”

Alexander rolled his eyes. “We’re pirates, not savages. We have spare changes of clothes.”

John glanced between the two of them, unsure if he preferred to be trapped in some room below deck or simply freeze to his death up here. He supposed he didn’t have a choice in the matter anyhow. 

“Enough talking,” Lafayette said, stepping forward and bending down. “Let’s get you settled below deck.” He scooped John into his arms, his wrists and ankles still bound, and started to walk towards the stairs.

John couldn’t help but realize the ridiculousness of the situation, being carried bridal style by a pirate, lifted as if he weighed no more than a child. He was loathe to admit it, but he did appreciate the warmth radiating off of Lafayette’s chest, melting the chill in his body the tiniest bit. Alexander trailed behind, following them into a small room with four walls, a chair and small wooden table, a door, and not much else. Lafayette deposited him onto the middle of the floor, the hard, wooden boards rough against his ass, and looked over to Alexander. 

“Mon chou, our new guest looks to be about your size. Go fetch a spare set of clothing from your chest.” Alexander shrugged and exited the room as Lafayette focused his attention on John once again. 

John quirked an eyebrow, an edge of sarcasm in his voice. “Do all pirates have pet names for one another?”

Lafayette ignored the question, but John couldn’t help but notice the corner of his mouth twitch. Interesting. “Alexander was right, you are quite a mouthy one. What are we going to do with you, John Laurens?” Lafayette’s tongue flicked out to lick his bottom lip. John blinked, noting the suggestive tone of his voice and the seductive way in which he drew out his name. He felt a tingling low in his stomach, and he pushed any thought of what that might mean to the back of his mind. 

Alexander returned then, carrying an armful of clothing in varying colors, and Lafayette turned around to speak to him as he walked towards them. “I’m going to go check on things. Make sure everything from the raid has been stored away correctly. Can you handle this?” 

“Yes sir,” Alexander replied, but his casual tone betrayed any indication of truly respecting the line of command. Interesting, John thought once again. Made note of the way their eyes locked for a moment too long before Lafayette left, swinging the door closed behind him. Once they were alone, Alexander turned to face him again, taking in his pitiful appearance. He heaved a sigh. “You’re not going to be able to change your clothes with your wrists and ankles bound like that. The door is locked behind us, and I’m not so concerned about the wealth you’ll bring us that I’d be afraid to stick you with my dagger if you try anything. So, do you think you can change into these dry clothes without doing anything unbelievably stupid?”

John glared at him, chewing the inside of his cheek again. He was surprised it wasn’t bleeding by now. He gave a short nod, replying, “I’m not going to try anything.”

“You sure?” Alexander asked, his eyebrows raised. “For the brief time I’ve known you, Laurens, you haven’t exactly had the best history of not acting like an imbecile. You know, jumping off a boat into freezing water and all. I’d hate to have to stab you. You might get blood on my clothes, and I just recently changed into these clean ones after the plunder of your ship. It would be quite a waste. On the other hand, we did just acquire more clothing from said plunder-”

“For fuck’s sake,” John interrupted him. “Are you incapable of being quiet? I’ll behave, I swear it. Just give me the damn clothes.” 

Alexander smirked at him, biting his bottom lip and glancing over him again. He moved forward, drawing out his dagger, John noticed the handle was some sort of black stone, and slicing the ropes off. John flexed his wrists, then his ankles, the circulation slowly flooding back into his hands and feet. Alexander threw the clothes down onto his lap, staring down at him expectantly. “You really are lucky, you know. I know plenty of pirates that would tire of your attitude after the first five minutes and throw you off the ship. Or at least backhand you to shut you up.”

“Alright,” John said through gritted teeth. “Thanks for capturing me and murdering my crew and not being as much of an ass as you could have been about the whole thing. Now will you turn around so I can finally get these soaking wet clothes off?”

“Turn around?” he barked out a laugh. “You must think I’m mad. I’m a lot of things, John Laurens, but I’m not an idiot. I’m not going to give you a chance to knock me out from behind or wrap those pretty fingers around my throat. Sorry to disappoint you.”

“You can’t expect me to change in front of you?” His cheeks flushed red again, and he hated himself for it. 

“You’re in the American army aren’t you? You can’t tell me you’ve never stripped in front of another man before.”

“That’s different,” he mumbled, failing to meet Alexander’s gaze. “They weren’t all just staring at me as I did so.”

Alexander shrugged, those dark eyes still fixed on him. “I mean, I could force you to strip and put on my clothes, but I really don’t see the point when you can just stop being a child and do it yourself.” John tensed at the words, and Alexander laughed at the mortified look on his face. “Don’t worry, I really don’t want to expend all that effort. Just hurry up and get dressed.”

John took one deep, shuddering breath before rising to his feet. His legs felt wobbly, and he stumbled a bit as he stood, catching himself at the last minute. He felt anger flare in his chest as Alexander smirked at his misstep, but didn’t say anything. He began pulling at the knot of his cravat, the wetness of the material making it infuriatingly difficult to untie. He moved onto his waistcoat, his fingers slipping on the buttons and only getting them undone after several attempts. As he untucked his shirt and pulled it up over his head, he felt Alexander’s eyes burning into him, taking in the sight of his bare skin. He moved to unlace his breeches, pausing his movements to look up at Alexander again. He cleared his throat, lowering his gaze. “Um, Alexander? Even if you won’t turn around, could you just stop staring at me like that?”

“Alex,” he said matter-of-factly. “It’s just Alex. Lafayette insists on calling me by my full name and well, I’m not exactly going to tell him he can’t. But you should just call me Alex.”

John just stared at him, frustrated that he decided to focus on that rather than the substance of his question. “Alex,” he emphasized. “Would you mind not staring at me like a piece of meat?” 

Alex smirked at him again, not turning his eyes away. “Nope. Need to stay vigilant after all.” He licked his lips. “Besides, why should I deny myself the pleasure of looking? You have quite the freckles underneath those clothes. I’m curious if they continue below your breeches.”

John clenched his jaw, turning around to at least keep some parts of himself hidden. “You’re insufferable.” He pulled down his breeches, the material sticking to his legs and making it more difficult than it should have been. Alex let out a low whistle behind him, and he felt the flush creep up his neck. He worked quickly to yank the dry pants on to cover himself. They were very loose, the soft, deep red material flowing around his ankles. He pulled on the shirt next, off-white and just slightly looser than his own had been. The sleeves puffed out a bit at the ends and the neckline was deep, showing off his chest. 

“It’s not a bad look on you,” Alex said, a big grin spread on his face as John turned around. “The stuffy colonial style really didn’t do that nicely muscled chest of yours any justice.”

“Can you just stop with the little quips for two seconds?” 

“I won’t, but I could. Seriously though, you have a very nice body. You must have had your choice of ladies back in the colonies.”

John didn’t meet his eyes. “I was never really one for courting women and going to social events and all that nonsense.” He couldn’t tell if he was relieved or not when that didn’t get any response. 

Alex chewed his lip, looking thoughtful for a minute. His eyes stared into John’s, and he hated how intense that gaze was, but it had him feeling almost mesmerized. Couldn’t look away until Alex broke out of his own thoughts. “Well, someone will bring dinner to you once we’ve ate. Make yourself comfortable, you’ll be here a while.” With that, he gathered John’s wet clothes and left, locking the door once again behind him. John groaned, wondering what exactly he had gotten into here and how long it would be before he was safely back home on American soil. With a deep, shuddering sigh, he sat down with his back against the wall and replayed the day's events, wondering if he could have made any different choices and avoided this fate altogether. He stayed like that until dinner, curled up and miserable and utterly alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much longer chapter! Hooray!
> 
> Hope you're all enjoying yourselves! Because John is not! 
> 
> Come find me on tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls and talk to me :)
> 
> I love comments <3


	3. Chapter 3

John was almost sure it had been a full week since he was taken prisoner on the ship. A week of being confined to one tiny room. A week of eating the scraps leftover from the meals above deck. A week of overthinking the attack on his ship and everything that had gone wrong. A week of trying to remember the faces of the dead crew members. At least they had eventually moved a small, lumpy mattress into the corner of the room for him to sleep on. The first night he had spent curled up on the floor, waking every hour to sharp pains in his back and shoulders, his neck too stiff to move in the morning. Now he slept, if not in comfort, at least not in pain. 

Most meals Alex delivered himself. His disrespect, the way he never shut up, and his seemingly ever-present smirk drove John to the edge of his sanity, but some small part of him was grateful for the company. He discovered before too long that Alex was incredibly smart, quick as a whip, and made an enjoyable enough conversation partner when they were talking about something besides John’s own mistakes and misfortunes. As the week wore on, Alex started spending more and more time in John’s room after delivering his meals, sitting on the floor and chatting with him about a myriad of topics.

“I’m telling you,” Alex argued one night, the fire in his eyes alight as urged himself on. “The concept of freedom is flawed. Even if you fixed all of the issues obstructing theoretical freedom in most political systems, your own nation’s included, you still have societal chains and the fault of human nature. One can never really be free when they’re a slave to fear and the necessities of life. Our own needs and our own minds trap us into fleeing what we really want to save us from the imagined troubles those things would bring us.”

When Alex left that night, bringing John’s finished bowl of soup with him, John felt a little more hopeful, a little more alive than he had since first arriving on the ship. 

Then of course, there were the noises he could hear from his room in the middle of the night. It didn’t take him long to figure out he shared a wall with the captain’s quarters. It also didn’t take him long to figure out exactly how the captain and his first mate spent their free time together. The first night he had been shocked. He heard the low moans and groans first, almost worried someone had caught some bug that would have them all infected in matter of days. His worry shifted to something else as the voices got louder, gasps of pleasure and the slapping of skin on skin. Sounds of banging against the wall with a steady rhythm. Lafayette’s name panted out like a prayer from Alex’s lips, his voice unmistakable. John felt a rush of shame when his cock twitched as he imagined the two of them together. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and tried to block out the sounds as best he could until they finally fell quiet. Once he finally drifted to sleep he dozed soundly through the night. When he woke up the next morning he couldn’t remember his dreams, but he was stiff as a board. 

So it had been a week, and John was growing bored and restless in his tiny jail cell. To top it all off, he was almost sure Alex was late with his breakfast. He could more or less tell the time of day from the noises going on around him. Could hear Lafayette and Alex wake up and talk with one another in the morning. Muffled conversations that were loud enough to hear, but not clear enough to pick out the words. Could hear the crew stir to life, the sounds of men calling out to one another and footsteps overhead. Could hear the cook a bit further down the ship below deck, singing along to some upbeat sounding songs with lyrics that would be considered inappropriate for company back home. It had been a good while since the cook had left his kitchen, the men up above had stilled for a short while, and then gone back to moving about the deck with purpose. Still no Alex. 

He was trying to count back the days in his head, trying to ensure he was right and it had truly been a week, when the door finally creaked open. He jumped up quickly from his chair, and it registered with him that it was quite embarrassing how excited he was for the tiniest ounce of human contact. Alex strutted into the room, locking the door behind him as always and setting the food down at the small table against the wall. 

“You’re late.”

“Did I ever commit to deliver you food at specific time slots?” Alex asked with one eyebrow cocked. 

“You always come right after breakfast. My stomach is nearly empty.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “You are the most spoiled prisoner in the world, you know that? I had some business to take care of. Don’t lose your mind, pretty boy. We’re not trying to starve you.” John hated it when he called him that. “Anyway, I’ve brought you a treat. Go on and eat it if you’re so starving.” He looked over at the plate and noticed a slice of juicy yellow fruit next to the normal bread and butter. “It’s a mango,” Alex supplied. “We acquired a large amount of them a while back and they’ll go bad soon if we don’t eat them. Had to be pretty quiet about bringing that down here. If the crew found out I was feeding our prisoner some of our only fresh fruit there’d be a mutiny.”

John looked at him in surprise. “Thanks,” he mumbled, sitting down at the table and taking a bite, the juices dripping out of the corners of his mouth. He flicked his tongue out to catch them. “Mmmph,” he moaned around a mouthful. “This is delicious.”

“Yeah, I’ve missed having them regularly. That’s part of the reason Laf insisted we go out of our way to steal them actually.” John gave him a disapproving look, but Alex just waved him off. “Oh fuck off. If we’re not opposed to plundering entire ships, what makes you think you can guilt me over some mangoes? Anyway,” he pressed on. “I had mentioned to Laf one night how much I loved them as a kid, so he insisted we go ashore while near the West Indies and get some.”

There was a lot to take in there, so John started with the easiest question. “So, you grew up in the West Indies then? I had just assumed you were born in the colonies like most of your crew seems to have been.”

“Mhmm,” Alex said nodding his head, a far-off look clouding over his eyes. “Born on a small island out there. Didn’t move to the colonies until I was seventeen.”

“You can’t be much older than that now. Why’d you leave?”

“Look, I’m not saying it was all bad there, because it wasn’t. I learned a lot. Started to get an education. Joined up with the American cause for a little while.” John blinked in surprise, but Alex kept going. “But the longer I stayed there, and the more involved I got with the politics of the new nation, the more I realized how flawed some of its leaders were. I couldn’t stay there, couldn’t live in a country that played at all these big ideals, but wasn’t willing to implement policies that would enforce their supposed values. Luckily, I met Lafayette during the beginning of the war, and we realized how like-minded we were. We ran away together and started up this whole thing. Set up our own free lives together and never looked back.” Alex stared at a spot on the wall, seeming to see something that wasn’t really there. John wondered where his mind had taken him, what memories he was reliving. 

He cleared his throat, willing the question to finally stumble out of his lips. “So, you and Lafayette, you’re… you’re together then?”  
Alex snorted. “Yeah, if that’s what you want to call it. The British and Colonial societies never really gave us a good word for what we were besides ‘sodomites,’” he added, a note of bitterness to his voice. “What about you, John Laurens?”

John’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What about me?”

“You ever let another man bugger you in the ass?” 

John felt his face flush a deep scarlet. “No,” he snapped, looking down at his food.

Alex erupted in peals of laughter, bending over at the waist and gasping for breath. John took another bite of the mango, trying to ignore the heat in his face and the strange feeling in his gut. “I’m sorry,” Alex gasped out. “It’s just… well… you don’t have to sound so upset about it.” His face broke out into a grin, and he burst into laughter again. “Lafayette and I, we’ve been wondering whether you fancied men or not. 

With the way you blushed like a maiden when I saw you change your clothes, I assumed there had to be something there. You can be honest, I’m not judging you or anything.”

“I’m not-” John started, stumbling over his words. “I can’t believe you would insinuate- I don’t fancy men, alright?”

“Is there something wrong with fancying men?” Alex asked, smirk plastered on his face once again and eyes challenging him. 

John chewed his lip. Every fantasy he had ever had was suddenly front and center in his mind, and he tried to shove them all back to the crevice where they belonged. “I don’t know, okay?”

“Why does it matter if I’m getting stuffed with cock every night?” Alex asked, his tone far too casual. John nearly choked at the words. “Who does that affect except me and Lafayette?”

“No one, I suppose.” John’s face was still red. He couldn’t seem to get the blush to fade away. 

“Exactly,” Alex declared, the word clipped short. 

“Alex, I’m sorry if-”

But Alex cut him off, sighing loudly. “Don’t apologize, Laurens. It’s fine. You’re not the first to ask me about our relationship, and I’m sure you won’t be the last. Anyway, I was actually talking with Lafayette about you after breakfast.”

“Oh, really?” John asked, not sure what to make of that statement. 

“Mhmm. He agreed to let you come up on deck with everyone else. I assured him you wouldn’t try anything,” he said, looking at John pointedly, “so don’t, okay? I know when you first got here you were scared.” John opened his mouth to protest, but Alex cut him off and continued. “But you realize by this point that no one is trying to hurt you, right? I get that you don’t think too highly of pirates, but Laf and I have never been fond of senseless violence for violence’s sake. The rest of the crew knows you’re off limits. Just behave yourself and you can be out with everyone else, alright? Out of this room. I can see how much being stuck down here bothers you.”

John was speechless. He had to admit he had grown fond of Alex, but he never imagined he would actually argue for his freedom. Well, limited freedom, he supposed. 

Alex just smiled at him, biting his lower lip. “Well?”

“Alex, I don’t know what to say. I can really get out of here?”

“Yeah. I’m serious though, try and behave yourself. I’m worried that mouth of yours will get you into trouble.”

John rolled his eyes. “Are you kidding me? This is coming from you of all people?” 

Alex chuckled. “Look, when you’re first mate, you’re allowed to mouth off to people. Prisoners of the ship don’t exactly get that privilege, even though I find your biting humor quite amusing. Just be careful.”

“Okay,” John sighed, his voice barely above a whisper. “So, when can I get out of here?”

“Um, right now if you want.”

“Really?” John was sure he was dreaming. The possibility of being outside these four walls was just too unbelievable. 

“Yes, really,” Alex laughed. “C’mon, I’m sure the fresh air will be good for you.” He pulled the key out and opened the door, the hint of sunlight shining down the stairs. John followed as he left the room, his bare feet cold against the floorboards. As they ascended the stairs, he took a deep breath, letting the salty air fill his lungs as the sunshine suddenly washed over him. His body glowed with the warmth of it, and he couldn’t help but flash a quick smile. It felt good to have a small slice of freedom again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter includes the teaser from tumblr. If you already read that, sorry there wasn't too much that was new! This chapter includes one of my favorite exchanges between Alex and John though, so hopefully you like reading it again anyway :)
> 
> All comments are good comments! Please tell me things! 
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls and feel free to send me asks and stuff <3
> 
> Hope you're all enjoying yourselves! Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Alex walked across the deck, John following close behind him. He reminded himself distinctly of a puppy they used to have at Mepkin, always following him and his siblings around. When they reached the edge of the ship, they paused, and John stared out at the horizon, the sight of the waves oddly not making him queasy. All he felt was a deep sense of relief. 

As he stared out at the sea, wondering just how far the water stretched, two men approached Alex, waving and calling out greetings. John avoided eye contact, kept his face turned away from the boat. However, he kept his ear trained on their voices. 

“Hamilton! We were wondering where you had gotten off to.”

“Just below deck for a bit. If you had kept yourselves busy with something useful you wouldn’t have even noticed I was gone.”

“We were keeping busy,” the other man replied. “And drinking is a very useful activity!” He took a sip from the flask in his hand, a little bit dribbling out onto his beard. He heard Alex huff a laugh. 

“Fair enough. McHenry,” he said, addressing the first man. “Can you go grab a bottle of rum? I haven’t had anything to drink so far today. I’d like to fix that.”

“Yes sir,” he replied, heading off towards the storage.

The other two men were quiet for a moment, and John had the uncomfortable feeling that eyes were drilling into him. “This the boy you captured from that ship?” John clenched his jaw, but didn’t say anything. 

“Technically we rescued him from the water,” Alex emphasized with mock seriousness. “But yes. Laurens, this is Grayson.” John kept staring straight ahead, muscles tensed as he leaned against the side of the boat. “Oh come now, John, don’t be rude.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Grayson asked. “Is he deaf?”

“No, he’s just being difficult. John,” he pressed, giving his arm a tug. “You were so excited to come up on deck just a few minutes ago. Now, say hi to Grayson.”

“Hello,” he grunted, still refusing to look. 

“He’s not exactly a pleasant one, is he? Got a nice look to him though,” he added teasingly.

John finally snapped, turning to face the other man, giving him a glare. 

“Ah! So you can move!” Grayson shouted with a grin. 

Alex barked a laugh, gripping John’s upper arm in a way that was oddly comforting. His mind tried to process why a pirate gripping his arm would be comforting. At that moment, McHenry returned carrying a large bottle of rum. “Here you go, sir,” he said, glancing between the three of them.

Alex let go of his arm to grab the bottle. “Ah, perfect! He uncapped it, taking a long gulp of the liquor and wincing. “Laurens?” he prompted, holding out the rum.

“It’s just after breakfast,” he responded incredulously. “Hardly the time to be getting drunk.”

“Time of day doesn’t matter when it comes to drinking on a pirate ship, boy,” McHenry said, a twinkle in his eyes. 

“He’s right,” Alex added, taking another swig and offering the bottle again. “Come on, Laurens. It’s not as if you have obligations to attend to. In fact, for the first time in your life I’m sure, you have no one to impress. No one to disappoint. Drink with us. It’ll help you to relax.”

“Lord knows he could do with some relaxing,” Grayson said, nudging Alex in the side. John watched as Alex tried to suppress his smirk before he turned back towards him and held out the bottle again with a searching look. 

“Fuck it,” John muttered, grabbing the bottle and gulping down as much of the drink as Alex had. It burned like fire down his throat, and he thought back to his life in the colonies. Constantly trying to impress his father. To prove himself. To show everyone he could be the son he was expected to be. It was never enough. He lifted the bottle to his lips and took another drink, coughing as it worked its way down. 

“That a boy!” McHenry exclaimed, patting him on the back. John stepped back, putting more space between them. Uncomfortable with the closeness. He stared back out at the ocean, appreciating the way the sun made the water look like gems. 

“What’s the plan for today, boss?” Grayson asked. All of them turned their attention back to one another.

“Honestly, not much.” Alex leaned back against the side of the ship so he was next to John again. “Sorry to tell you, but there’s really nothing on the agenda. We’ll reach some islands soon. Within the week maybe? Then we can gather supplies and stretch our legs for a bit.”

“What about food for the rest of the day?” McHenry asked. 

“Make what you want, but try and use up some of the fruits and vegetables. They won’t be good for much longer. Unfortunately once they’re gone we’ll be back to bread and beef for a while, but we’ll get more food soon enough.”

McHenry hummed in agreement, nodding along to Alex’s words. 

“You going to stick around for the music tonight, Hamilton?” Grayson asked. “Morris has been working on some new songs, and you really haven’t spent a late night with all of us for a while. You keep disappearing after supper.” 

“Ah, well,” Hamilton started, his gaze involuntarily shifting to John. “Not quite sure yet. I’ll try and make it though. I’ve got to go work out some plans for the coming weeks at the moment. I'll see you all later.” He pushed himself up from the side of the boat, stretching his arms up above his head. “Come along, Laurens.” John turned his head in surprise, not expecting them to leave so soon. He quickly scurried after Alex as he made his way back towards the stairs, not too eager to stay with Grayson and McHenry by himself. Alex still gripped the bottle of rum in one hand. Once they were out of earshot, he spoke to John. “What has you in such a mood?”

“I’m not,” John snapped. 

“You are. I figured you’d be happy to talk to someone besides me, but you were acting like a child back there.”

“I just don’t want to get buddy-buddy with a bunch of pirates, alright?”

“Why not?”

“Because, they’re not exactly the type of people I associate with.”

Alex came to a halt on the steps, snapping his head to glare at John. “Oh really? You seemed perfectly happy to talk with me the last few nights. Didn’t seem too averse to pirates when I spent my whole night chatting with you instead of drinking and enjoying time with the crew.”“Alex,” John groaned in frustration. “That’s different. You’re different. Can’t you just drop this?”

“Fuck Laurens, I’m not different. You just can’t see past your own preconceived notions of what a pirate is supposed to be to appreciate the good in any of them. They’re not monsters, they’re people. Just like me, and just like you.” 

John didn’t know how to respond. He felt the slightest twinge of shame in his chest, but he pushed it away. He crossed his arms, staring resolutely ahead as they started walking again. He hated that Alex’s words, as infuriating as they were to him, actually made sense. 

They reached the bottom of the steps, and Alex lead them into a small room that looked like an office of sorts. A desk was pushed up against the wall with parchment and quills, and a shelf filled with books lined the opposite wall. Alex moved to the desk, throwing himself down onto the chair in his anger and grabbing a quill. He started to scribble notes onto a piece of parchment. 

John watched him write for about five minutes before giving into his curiosity. “What are you doing with that?”

Alex didn’t look up from his paper. “Keeping track of inventory. Making sure we have enough supplies to get us to our next destination.” John glanced over his shoulder at the neat columns of words and numbers on the page. It was impressive. 

“Oh.” He fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt, tugging at the loose material. “Where’s Lafayette?”

“Captain Lafayette,” he corrected absentmindedly. “And I assume he’s in the captain’s quarters,” he continued with an eyeroll. “Why?”

“Just curious. I haven’t seen him since that first day.”

Alex nodded as he continued. “Well yeah, I mean he’s captain of the ship. He’s not exactly going to waste his time bringing food to prisoners.”

“You did,” John pointed out bluntly. “And you’re his first mate. Surely you could have had someone else bring me the scraps from your meals.”

“I was curious, alright? Wanted to get a sense of who you were.” 

“Why?”

“Because you’re here on the ship. Why not?”

“You’re just going to sell me off for a ransom. Why risk becoming attached?”

Alex’s quill froze mid-stroke in his hand, and he stared down at the page blankly, his brow furrowed. “I don’t know. Like I said, I was curious. I guess some part of me just wanted to know. When I first looked at you, soaking wet and pathetic as you were, I really wanted to learn who you were as a person, not just as Washington's aide or the heir to your father's fortune.”

The silence stretched on between them, filling the room with a tense atmosphere. Alex remained still, his quill still grasped between his fingers, unmoving. John felt like the quiet would drown him, splash above his head and swallow him whole until he could no longer see or hear anything. After what seemed like hours, Alex broke the spell, reaching out for the bottle of rum and taking a few swallows before standing up. “Let’s get some fresh air,” he said. “I’m sure you’re sick of being cooped up inside. You could meet some of the other guys out there. They’re good men, I promise. They all have their reasons for being here.”

“Alex,” John said quietly, unsure of his words. “Before we go, just- are we okay? You're not still angry with me?” 

Alex stood up from his seat, walking over to stand in front of John, their eyes at the same height and the other man’s face closer to him than would seem appropriate if they were around others. He grasped both of John’s shoulder’s in his hands, squeezing. “Yeah, we’re okay.” He licked his lips quickly and pressed them into a smile. John thought he looked a little sad, but he wasn’t about to say that to Alex. He chewed his bottom lip as Alex walked back towards his writing, and he contemplatied his time on the pirate ship so far. As he watched Alex fuss over his papers, John felt his heart swell, the desire to cross the small room and embrace the other man burning like lightning in his heart. He squeezed his eyes shut, mentally berating himself. Not only was Alex another man, he was man who was claimed by someone else. It was a ridiculous wish, to have that sort of connection with him. Just like the ships that went sailing by on the ocean, John was only temporary in Alex’s life. No more than a passing guest, resting in his harbor for a short while before setting off again, no more than a memory. “Let’s go,” Alex said, pushing the parchment he had been working on towards the back of his desk. “I think a little sun and fresh air really will do you good. Lifts the spirits.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John has a lot of feelings.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls pretty please I'm very lonely 
> 
> All comments, big or small, are always appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

It didn’t take John long to learn about each member of the crew of the Revolution. McHenry was the cook. He was generally bitter about the lack of ingredients which he could experiment with, but he turned the meager food supply they were left with into edible meals that didn’t leave one with an aching stomach. Grayson was your typical sailor, controlling the direction of travel and doing any other task the captain required. He also had an excellent baritone singing voice and participated enthusiastically during the musical recreation after dinner each night. Morris was quick. Could help power the ship as well as tell you exactly where you were in the vast ocean based off of minimal landmarks and the position of the stars. Tilghman kept track of all the weapons. Made sure everyone was using their own responsibly and helped Alex come up with plans to acquire more firearms and swords. Walker looked after the crew when Alex and Lafayette weren’t around. Made sure they were all doing what they were supposed to be doing. John got along well with Walker. Found him easy to talk to. They discussed managing small groups of people, politics, and favorite desserts. Slowly, John learned about each of them, and they learned about him in turn. He was practically a member of the crew by his second week on board. 

 

“So,” Lafayette said, casually leaning back on the mattress. “The Laurens boy is adjusting quite well to life on the ship I hear.” 

Alex sat on the edge of the bed, one hand resting on Lafayette’s thigh. “He really is. He gets along with nearly everyone, which is surprising considering how he first reacted.”

Lafayette breathed out a laugh. “Yes, you told me he wasn’t exactly open-minded about our crew. He is doing better now though?”

“Yeah. Honestly, he fits right in, even if he doesn’t realize it.” He lowered his voice, staring down at his lap. “I kind of don’t want to get rid of him. I’d rather keep him here with us.” Lafayette pursed his lips, and Alex gave his leg a squeeze. “I know you’ve thought about it too. Keeping him here on the ship with us. Why don’t you ever come talk to him? You’ve been holed up in here most of the time since you said he could leave his room.”

“Alexander,” he started, a tone of warning in his voice, “I am sure Laurens is a nice boy, but the payout we’d get from his father would be enormous.”

“I know. But I don’t think he was really happy back in the colonies. The few times he’s brought it up, he seems so miserable. He could be happier here with us, I know it. And you have to admit, he’s very cute. Those freckles are to die for, and they’d only be more prominent after a summer at sea.”

“Alexander,” Lafayette said, his voice dangerous. “We brought the boy onto the ship for one purpose. To get a large sum of money. I do not want you jeopardizing that, understood?”

“You like him too,” Alex grumbled. “I know you do. You’ll see eventually, he’s worth more to us than the gold his father would throw at us for his return. He’s smart, Laf. And strong. He could be really useful on the ship. And it’d be nice to have someone else join us.”

“Join us?” Lafayette asked, one eyebrow raised.

“All of us,” Alex added quickly. “A new crew member would be helpful, wouldn’t it? We’ve lost two men in the past year. And he’s enjoyable to talk to. I miss talking politics and philosophy with people. Please, Lafayette, just think about it.”

Lafayette looked over at Alex, his expression softening as he took in the large brown eyes pleading with him. “l will think about it,” he said softly, reaching out a hand to squeeze Alex’s own. “But I am not making promises, alright? You cannot get so attached to him, mon chou.”

 

John sat around in a circle with the other men on the ship, listening to Morris strum along on his guitar, the crew drunkenly shouting out lyrics they had created long before he arrived on the ship. They had drained a few bottles of liquor as a group, and the words were being slurred rather than sung at this point. Alex swayed heavily as he threw an arm around John’s shoulder from where they were seated. “Come on Laurens! Sing with us!”

John laughed, shaking his head and feeling the pleasant buzz of drunkenness wash through his body. “I don’t know the words! How do you expect me to sing?” He grinned at Alex, taking in the other man’s face. His skin was flushed, his cheeks bright red and an easy smile spread across his features. Whereas his deep brown eyes were normally intense, sharp with wit and passion, right now they were soft, staring at him with warmth that burned into his soul. John couldn’t recall ever seeing eyes so beautiful. 

“Fine,” Alex pouted, his bottom lip sticking out a little. He leaned his head against John’s shoulder, breathing out a sigh. “The boat is spinning,” he groaned in a low voice, eyes squeezed shut. 

John couldn’t suppress his laugh. “You’re a bit of a lightweight, aren’t you?”

McHenry chuckled from the other side of Alex. “He always has been,” he slurred with a grin. “You’d have thought he’d have a higher tolerance for liquor by now, but he still slides into this state faster than any of us.”

The other men nodded in agreement, laughing along with them. Alex scowled, but kept leaning against John. “Shut up, McHenry. I’m still smarter than you, even intoxicated.” He moved the arm that had been slung across John’s shoulder lower, running a hand up and down his arm. Despite the relative warmth of the night, he shivered at the touch. He grabbed the bottle between him and Alex, gulping down another helping of rum. It burned pleasantly through his body. The fuzziness of the alcohol inside of him blurred his thoughts, relaxing him into the moment, allowing him to sit there with another man’s arm around him and enjoy the company of a group of pirates. 

The night wore on, and all of them slipped further and further into drunkenness. As John became less aware of his own inhibitions, he leaned back against Alex, breathing in his scent and relishing in the warmth of their shared body heat. Spurred on by the realization that everyone else was drunk and not paying them any attention, and the knowledge that they probably wouldn’t remember half the night anyway, John allowed himself to lay his head in Alex’s lap, the floorboards underneath him rocking gently back and forth. Alex, surprisingly steadier than earlier in the night, ran fingers through John’s curls. The repetitive motion, the gentle touches by a man who wasn’t often gentle, lulled John into a state very close to sleep. He shifted, rolling his face to look up at the night sky. The stars were scattered all around them, speckled like glitter on dark canvas. He wondered how long it would take to count every one. He began to attempt it, but lost his place at twenty-seven, distracted by fingers scratching at his scalp. He blinked slowly, shifting his eyes to Alex’s. 

“You okay?” He smiled down at him, and John forgot all about the stars. 

“Perfect,” he responded as the world seemed to tilt before his eyes. 

Alex smirked, and John found that he didn’t actually mind it anymore. “You’ve had a lot to drink, pretty boy. You should be careful. Men with loose morals take advantage of drunk boys like you all the time.”

“Well, I suppose it’s good for us you have such impeccable morals,” John mumbled, nuzzling his face against Alex’s thigh. 

Alex let out a frustrated groan above him, barely audible. “I wouldn’t say that, Laurens. There are plenty of better men than me out there.”

“Whatever you say.” John’s lips brushed against the soft fabric of Alex’s loose pants as he spoke. “You’re not going to harm me though. I know you.”

Alex rolled his eyes, trying to brush curls away from John’s forehead, but they just fell back over his face. “You don’t. Not really.” John grunted in protest, and Alex just breathed out a breathless laugh. “You don’t,” he insisted. “You only met me two weeks ago. But you’re right, I wouldn’t hurt you.” They stayed there in companionable silence as the other men talked around them, telling stories and jokes and enjoying the beautiful, unseasonable Autumn night. 

As John began to drift off, he felt a thumb brush across his cheekbone. “Laurens.” Alex’s voice above him. He stayed put, too comfortable and warm to move. “John,” he insisted, shaking his shoulder just past the point of being gentle. “You need to get to bed. You’re going to fall asleep out here.”

John just huffed, burying his face deeper into Alex’s lap. 

“Come on,” he pressed, pushing John up to a half sitting position. “It’s not safe for you to sleep out here. Let’s get you to your bed.” 

“Why can’t I go to your bed?” John whined. Alex responded with an expression somewhere between amusement and pain. “Bet yours is much comfier.” 

“Because Lafayette probably didn’t plan on sleeping on the floor to make room on his bed for a drunk boy to spread out and fall into unconsciousness. You’ll be fine in your own bed, sweetheart.”

John felt warmth flood his cheeks, the pet name stirring feelings in his heart. “Are you sure I can’t sleep in the comfy bed?” 

“Pretty sure,” Alex chuckled. “I’ll bring you another blanket, okay? Make the bed a little more comfortable for you.”

John nodded, stumbling to his feet as Alex pulled him up. He swayed dangerously, almost falling back to the ground, but eventually steadied himself. Alex wrapped an arm around his waist, leading him in the direction of his room. As they carefully made their way down the stairs, John’s mind drifted to thoughts of cuddling together with Alex in a large bed like the one he had back in South Carolina. Jealousy spiked in his chest as his mind swapped himself out for Lafayette, picturing the two of them pressed against one another. He felt a rush of anger, knowing that the second scenario was rooted in reality, while the first was merely his fantasies run wild. But he kept his lips shut, knowing even in his drunken state that his jealousy was unfounded. 

True to his word, Alex brought John a second blanket, dropping it on the mattress and sitting down on the floor next to him. John sat up clumsily, pulling the blanket to cover him as best he could before Alex gave in, grabbing the corners and spreading it out correctly. “Who can’t handle their liquor now, Laurens?” he teased as John let his head fall back against the pillow. 

“I’m not even that-” A hiccup interrupted his sentence, and his brow furrowed in frustration. Alex just laughed, the sound like bells in John’s head. “Not that drunk,” he finished, lower lip jutting out. Alex smoothed his hair back and stared into his eyes, hand moving lower to cup his cheek. John blushed, feeling suddenly embarrassed for a reason he couldn’t name. 

“You are, but at least you’re cute when you’re drunk. Some people just get sloppy and disgusting. You get all cuddly and your cheeks turn pink.” Now John could name exactly the reason he was embarrassed. 

“I’m not cute,” he insisted, slurring his words into the pillow. “I’m a grown man, the heir to a large estate, a soldier. Men can’t be cute.”

“I disagree,” Alex teased, fingers toying with his blanket. “Men can be very cute. Even if their fathers own large plots of land, and even if they join up with the army. And you are a prime example of that with those adorable freckles and curls. Also, I wouldn’t exactly say you’re a grown man. You’re still young.”

John stumbled a bit, flustered. “I am too grown. I’m nearly twenty-five. Or…” he trailed off, trying to do the math, but getting tripped up by the fog in his brain. “Or maybe I am twenty-five now? What’s the date?” 

“Twenty-eighth of October,” Alex responded. 

“Huh.”

“What is it?”

“Today was my birthday. I had forgotten with everything going on, and I wasn’t really sure what day it was anyway. 

Alex squeezed his arm gently before rising to his feet. Even drunk, John swore he could see something like sadness in the small smile Alex gave him. “Happy birthday, Laurens. Get some rest.” 

John watched him walk out, feeling like his heart was being strangled in his chest. As he laid on his mattress, staring at the ceiling above him, he realized with a sort of ironic twist that this had been one of the best birthdays of his life, and he hadn’t even known it. Normally he would be forced into social obligations, spending time playing the dedicated first born son, the weight of society’s expectations on his shoulders as he talked to important men, friends of the family, political leaders. Today though, today had been truly enjoyable. He was comfortable with most of the men on the ship, and they joked and played card games and sang songs, and for the first time in his life John realized there was no pressure on him to be the man everyone expected him to be.

But this was temporary. He wasn’t a pirate like Alex or Lafayette. Eventually, they’d arrange for his return to the colonies in exchange for a large sum of money, and John would go home. Everyone would expect him to be relieved, to feel happiness at seeing his family and rejoining Washington’s staff. They’d want to hear stories of his terrible time being the captive of pirates. John expected it would feel more like the depressing return to the daily grind of life that follows a vacation. 

He rolled onto his side, one hand wrapped around his pillow. Through the wall, he could hear the muffled voices of Alex and Lafayette. The sounds blended with the waves, lulling him to sleep. Just as he was drifting off, he thought he heard raised voices, maybe the slamming of a door, but then he was falling into dreams of sunny islands where he never had to return to his responsibilities, and everything else was forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter and I hope you all love it too
> 
> As always, I'm on tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls
> 
> I love all your comments they're making me smile


	6. Chapter 6

John woke up the next morning, warm under his blankets, but feeling starkly alone. He pulled the covers up to his chin, head throbbing with the movement. Fuck. He was hungover and alone, and he really wanted some water, but they had a very limited supply of freshwater on the ship and he knew better than to ask for it. He turned his head back into the mattress and groaned. He could hear the movements above him on the ship. Knew he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. He allowed himself a few moments of peace before finally getting out of bed and standing up. He was still wearing his day clothes. Had fallen asleep fully dressed the night before. He walked out of his room without changing and made his way onto the deck, feeling groggy and sore. Once he reached the top of the stairs, he blinked in surprise. Lafayette was standing there, sunshine illuminating his face as he stepped into John's path and gave him a once over.

“Ah, John Laurens,” he said smoothly, giving him a charming smile. “Just the man I wanted to see.”

John gave him a searching, skeptical look. Lafayette hadn’t sought him out once since he had arrived on the ship. “Morning,” he mumbled, staring down at his hands. The sunlight was making him dizzy. 

“You should really address me more formally,” Lafayette said, disapproval evident in his voice. “Captain, or Captain Lafayette, or sir.”

“Sorry, Captain,” John drawled with a bit of sarcasm. 

Lafayette cleared his throat. “Right, well. I wanted to speak with you for a moment.” 

John’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “You sure you have the right guy? I’ve been here for quite a while now, and you haven’t said more than twenty words to me.”

Lafayette looked a bit awkward as he replied, “Yes, I am sure. Would you mind stepping into my quarters for a moment? I would like some privacy, if that is alright with you.”

John shrugged his shoulders, feeling fairly helpless. It’s not like he could say no to the leader of the ship that had taken him prisoner. 

They walked in silence to the captain’s quarters, John two steps behind Lafayette. As they entered the room, he very much wished Alex was there. He glanced around, taking in every inch of the surrounding space, soaking in the details. It was large for a ship, filled with a desk, table, bed, and storage of all of Lafayette and Alex’s things. The boat hit a particularly choppy wave, and for the first time in a week John felt his stomach churn. He glanced at the bed, unmade and wide enough for at least two people, covered in soft looking blankets and pillows. His mind drifted to the noises he heard every night coming from this room, to the things that must take place in that bed. Lafayette stood next to a bookshelf opposite the door, staring down at him. His gaze made John want to turn tail and run. He was struck in that moment with just how tall the captain was, long legs and broad shoulders and a body sculpted with strong muscles. He swallowed, feeling his throat go dry. 

“I hear you get along quite well with my men,” he said finally, his tone carefully neutral. “I am surprised, I must admit. I did not think you would adjust well to life on a pirate ship.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, captain?” He uttered the last word with enough mockery that it had the opposite effect it should have. 

Lafayette gritted his teeth, but responded. “Well, you are the son of a very wealthy and important man, are you not? I imagine much of your life has been fancy schools and parties with other well-dressed, well-mannered young people. That is quite different than socializing with pirates, no?”

John pushed his shoulders back and puffed his chest out, trying to make himself seem a bit larger, more intimidating. He shrugged in response to Lafayette’s assumptions. “I suppose. I am in the army though, it’s not as if I’ve never been without comfort.”

Lafayette snorted a bit, and John bristled at the reaction. “Alexander and I keep fairly up to date with the politics on both sides of the ocean. It is good to know which important men might be crossing the sea, I am sure you understand. And I seem to recall that your father was able to get you an immediate position with General Washington when you joined the army. You may not have been in your father’s large mansion during those months, but as far as men in the army go you had it better than most I am sure.”

John clenched his jaw. The statement was true, but it wasn’t as if being on the General’s staff meant he was sleeping indoors and getting five course meals every night. Lafayette’s tone suggested otherwise. “Regardless,” he pressed. “I have found many of your crew members to be quite enjoyable company.”

Lafayette hummed a low note. “I have noticed,” he said dryly. “And what will you do when we have arranged for your return?”

John’s head tilted to the side, his brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“It seems you are growing attached to…” he seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “To life on the ship. What if the American army wishes to attack the ship for revenge? What would you do in that situation? Would you be comfortable letting the men on this ship be imprisoned or killed?”

John bit the inside of his cheek and glared up at Lafayette. “What should it matter? It’s not as if you had mercy for the men traveling on my ship when you sent them to their deaths.” The words stung as he said them, bringing up memories he had tried to ignore. 

Lafayette waved him off. “That is different, as I am sure you know. We did not know those men. Do you have any qualms killing British soldiers? That is, if you have even been in battle.”

“I’ve killed British soldiers, yes,” John snapped defensively. “And that’s hardly the same as murdering the crew of a ship you are not at war with in cold blood.”

“Is it?” Lafayette stared down at him, those dark eyes piercing into him. “You colonists are fighting for freedom from the oppressive British government. Well, we are fighting for our freedom from the oppressive bonds of any government. So, back to the question, would you let us all die?”

“Why are you even asking me this?” John growled, his voice rising and his hands balled into fists at his sides. “All these stupid hypotheticals, what’s the point?”

Lafayette was silent for a beat, his face a mask void of emotion, something John could never manage. “I am just trying to get a sense of you, that is all Laurens. I have another hypothetical question, if you will allow me to ask it without screaming like a child.” John continued to glare at him, but allowed him to speak. “If you had the choice, would you want to go back to the colonies?”

John froze, confusion evident on his face. “What?” he managed to choke out. 

“It is a straight forward question, is it not? Would you be happier in the colonies, or would you like to stay here, if given the choice?”

John licked his dry lips, swallowing a few times before speaking. “And this is hypothetical still?”

“Of course.”

“I-” He paused, remembering the carefree bliss of last night. Remembering how good it felt to just be himself, not the son of Henry Laurens or a member of General Washington’s staff. “I’m not sure.”

Lafayette stared at him for a long time, eyes taking in his face and his body language. John felt like he was trying to read the words he wouldn’t say aloud. “That is very interesting,” he said with an air of finality. “Well, I will not keep you any longer. I am sure you would like to go eat breakfast.” Lafayette crossed the room, pulling the door open for him. 

John stayed frozen to his spot on the floor. He wanted to ask more questions. Wanted an explanation for the strange interrogation. Wanted to know who Lafayette truly was behind his carefully constructed public personality. He opened his mouth, but didn’t get any words out before shutting it again and striding out the door and onto the main deck. 

 

“What did you do to Laurens?” Alex was leaning back in the chair at the desk. Letter in front of him forgotten. 

“What do you mean, Alexander?” Lafayette asked from his spot on the bed, a book propped up on his chest.

“He’s been off all day,” Alex said with frustration. “He’s been quiet. Well, quiet with me at least. And when I pressed him on it he mentioned something about a conversation between the two of you, but wouldn’t get into it. He seemed so happy last night, and now he’s all moody and depressed. What the fuck did you do?”

“Alexander,” he snapped, putting the book face down on the bed. “I did not do anything to Laurens.”

“Like hell you didn’t!”

“Look,” Lafayette started, trying to keep himself composed. “Last night you were angry with me because I had not made the effort to get to know Laurens. Because you felt I was not taking your wishes seriously regarding keeping him on the ship.” He put a hand up to his temple, rubbing small circles there. “Now you are mad at me for what? For talking with him?”

“What did you say to him?” he hissed. 

“I just tried to understand if he was actually happy here. I asked him questions. I wanted to know if he actually wanted to stay here with the crew or if it was just you projecting your own desires. Can you blame me for wondering why the wealthy son of the president of the Continental Congress would want to throw away that life and live with a bunch of pirates? Can you blame me for being skeptical?”

“You could just trust me,” Alex spat at him, snapping his head back towards the letter on his desk, not really looking at it. “Besides, it’s not like he’d be the first spoiled rich boy to run away to live as a pirate. He wouldn’t even be the first one on this boat.” 

“Alexander-” Lafayette started, but he was cut off. 

“No, just-” He let out a huff of frustration. “Just fucking forget it okay. Whatever you said to Laurens, he clearly doesn’t want to stay with us now. Congratulations, you got your wish. We can get that payout now.”

“Can we please talk about this?”

“No,” Alex growled, grabbing his things and knocking over a bottle of ink in the process. “What’s the point of talking about it? You’re just going to do whatever the fuck you want anyway.” With that he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him and moving his writing to the small room nearby which doubled as an office of sorts. He sighed, letting his head flop down into his hands and pressing his palms into his closed eyes, resigned to another long night. 

 

John sat on his own mattress, listening to the sounds of Alex and Lafayette going back and forth. He could hear the occasional word or two clearly. Curses. “Spoiled rich boy”. His own name. More curses. He winced at Alex’s tone of voice, harsh and loud and angry. Wondered what they were fighting over exactly. Some small part of him, a part that he had convinced himself he didn’t agree with, hoped that they were breaking up. Then maybe John wouldn’t feel so bad about his feelings for Alex. 

But even if Alex and Lafayette did break up, he couldn’t be with Alex. He had been conditioned all his life to find a wife and get married, have babies, raise a family like his own. And even if they did break up, Lafayette was still captain of the ship and breaking up with the captain probably wouldn’t lead to good things for Alex. And even if they did break up, John still wasn’t even sure he wanted to stay on the ship. No, John convinced himself, it was better for everyone if they didn’t break up. 

The door slammed outside, and he could hear Alex stomping off. Another door creaked open and banged shut a moment later, and then there was silence. He hesitated, ready to spring up from the bed and go seek him out. Find out what had happened. See if he could make Alex feel better. Show Alex that he could comfort him and make him happy. More than anyone else could. But the nagging voice in the back of his mind told him to stay seated. He wasn’t a woman. Comforting and fussing over someone wasn’t his place, and after all, Alex had been talking about him during their argument. Perhaps he was angry with him too. So John stayed glued to his spot on the mattress, lost in his thoughts for the next few hours until he finally managed to fall into an uneasy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummmm everyone's upset and I'm only a little sorry about it 
> 
> Feel free to yell at me in the comments? 
> 
> Or come yell at me on Tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls


	7. Chapter 7

When John walked up to the main deck that morning, he couldn’t find Alex anywhere. After breakfast, he went back down below deck, thoughts swirling through his mind, wondering what might be going on. Ever since John had been allowed to move around the ship, Alex had been up and moving before he had even opened his eyes. Alex would watch him come up the stairs and say good morning and then they’d chat for a bit before getting breakfast. It wasn’t much, but routine was one of the few things that John had on this ship, a way to feel slightly in control when everything was really out of his control. Even with all of his confusing feelings for Alex, he still craved that one small comfort. He checked the captain’s quarters first, but the room was empty. After checking a few more spots, he pushed the door to the office open and barely held in his laugh at the sight before him. 

Alex was sprawled across the writing desk, still in a deep sleep, ink smudged all over his face and fully dressed from the day before. He would look cute, John thought, if he didn’t look so ridiculous. He walked over slowly, careful not to make much noise, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Alex?” he said, voice barely above a whisper as he nudged him lightly. He twitched a little in his sleep, but didn’t wake. “Alex?” he prompted louder, giving him a real shake. “Come on, time to wake up.”

He blinked awake slowly, groaning in discomfort as he started to feel the pain from sleeping in such an awkward position all night. “Laurens? Where am I?” he mumbled, rubbing at one of his eyes. 

“Your new bedroom apparently. Don’t rub at your eyes too much, you might get ink in them.”

“What?” he asked, flustered. “Ink?” He touched his cheek, his fingers coming away with dark black marks as he cursed. “What time is it? And why are you here?” 

John rolled his eyes. “It’s a little after breakfast. And I’m here because apparently you’ve been asleep in your office and dead to the world all morning. What’s going on, Alex?”

“I just couldn’t sleep last night,” he grumbled, staring at his ink stained fingers. “I figured I’d try to get some work done.”

“That’s bullshit. I heard you last night. You and Lafayette. You really think those walls are thick enough to block out all the noise you two make?”

Alex heaved a sigh, scrubbing at his inky face with the back of his hand. “We just… we had a disagreement. And I didn’t want to stick around and listen to him…” he trailed off, irritation evident in his tone. “It really doesn’t matter, okay? It was just an argument, and it doesn’t matter.”

“Seems like it matters if you were upset enough that you didn’t want to sleep in your own bed.”

“Just drop it, Laurens. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“That’s bullshit as well. Thin walls, remember?”

Alex growled in frustration. “Look, I don’t know what you thought you heard, but our problems have nothing to do with you, alright? Why don’t you just go and plan your welcome home celebration or something.”

John bit his lip, staring at the floor. The words stung him more than they should have. “Fine,” he snapped in a low voice. “Maybe I will.” 

Alex finally looked up at his response, dark shadows under his eyes and hair falling out of his ponytail. “Wait,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that-” He paused thinking over what he had said. “I’m just tired that’s all. But… why are you upset by that? Do you not want to go back?” John saw the ghost of something in his eyes. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted uneasily.

“Do you or don’t you?” Alex asked with impatience. “It’s an easy enough question.”

“I can’t believe you’re fucking asking me this too.”

“Too?” Alex questioned, his brow furrowed. “Who else asked?”

John cleared his throat awkwardly, not wanting to get into the details of his conversation with Lafayette. “Slip of the tongue,” he apologized. “I just can’t believe you’re bringing this up. It’s was your idea, yours and Lafayette’s, to keep me here until you could ransom me back. You even suggested selling me to a whore house.” Alex cringed at the truth of his words. “When did what I want in this situation start to matter exactly?” he snapped, sticking his chin out defiantly. 

“It-” Alex sputtered. “It’s not like- I mean your opinion-” He cut himself off again, groaning in frustration. “It doesn’t matter. I was just surprised, that’s all. Didn’t think you’d have a problem with getting off this ship and getting away from all of us pirates.”

They were both quiet, the silence stretching the tension between them thin as ice. Anything more and John figured he would shatter, break into a million pieces that he wouldn’t be able to stick back together. He heart urged him to scream that it wasn’t true. That the last thing he wanted was to be off this ship and back home. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg Alex to let him stay. 

Instead, he said nothing. Just stared at the grain of the wood beneath his feet and willed himself to keep his mouth shut. After a moment, Alex stood up from the chair, moving closer to him and giving him a pained look. “Shit, John,” he said, his voice low. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I really want to. Can you just tell me what’s bothering you? You were acting so weird yesterday, and now, well I don’t know exactly what I did or said to upset you. I know you probably don’t believe me, and I guess I haven’t really given you a reason to, but I don’t want you to feel like this. I care about you.”

“Well that’s the fucking problem, isn’t it?” he shouted, drawing himself up to his full height and staring right into Alex’s eyes. “You care about me, and I care about you, but nothing’s going to happen! You make me feel more comfortable, more happy, more authentic than anyone else in the world, but it doesn’t fucking matter. You’re going to stay with Lafayette, and I’m going to leave, and then I’ll never feel this complete again. I’ll find a wife and raise a family, and every day of my life I’ll be thinking about how much happier I could be with you.”

“Then stay,” Alex said, eyes large and pleading. 

“You can’t ask me to do that. Shit, you just can’t. You want me to stay on this boat and watch you and Lafayette together for the rest of my life? It’d be worse than the alternative. At least my memories of you won’t be constantly in my face to remind me of what I can’t have. I can deal with occasional stabs to my heart, but not a constant suffocation. There’s only so much a man can take.”

“John, please, just listen¬-”

But John cut him off. “No. I don’t want to listen. I can’t. It’s physically painful even to think about it. Just arrange for the payment so I can return home and stop being a nuisance to you. Then maybe someday, when I’m very old, I’ll be able to forget about all this enough that I can pretend my life isn’t missing something.” He stormed out of the room before he was finished talking, returning to his own room and locking the door behind him. The air felt stale, and he wanted to vomit as he thought over their interaction. The room tilted and twisted all around him. The floor and ceiling seemed to switch places. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, fighting back the wave of nausea. He imagined his own life as that of a ship again. The water was rough and dangerous, and he had barely stopped in this harbor, but already he was being forced to sail away. It wasn’t fair. Then again, no one ever said life was fair. 

 

John spent the whole day confined in his room, nothing but his thoughts to occupy him. He nearly drove himself insane, thinking over Alex’s words again and again. Thinking about what he had to give up. When he finally managed to fall asleep, he was plagued by intrusive dreams. He was older, hair greying and softer around the middle. He was back home in South Carolina, Mepkin looking just how he remembered it. There were children running around, but not his siblings he noted vaguely. He was struck with the realization that they were his kids, freckled and curly-haired. A woman glided into the room, grabbing his hands and pressing a kiss to his lips. It felt wrong, unnatural. His wife smiled up at him, but he didn’t reciprocate. Couldn’t. He had never felt more completely unhappy in his entire life. The dream shifted, and suddenly he was back on the ship, Alex and Lafayette in the room with him, laughing at his confession. Telling him how stupid he was to think he could ever have what they did. Questioning how he could ever think he was worthy of that love. He pressed his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, but their voices still rang sharply in his brain, mocking him. When he opened his eyes again, he was at a harbor, his father standing on a dock with a bag of money grasped in his hands. As the ship pulled up to the shore, John was pushed forward onto the dock, his hands tied behind his back once again, and two pirates flanking him. His father gave him one cold glance and turned sharply away, walking back towards his own ship with his money, not saying a single word. John felt his heart drop, his body buzzing with distress. He turned around to board the ship again, but the bridge was already back up, and they were pulling away from the dock, leaving him alone. He fell down to his knees on the wood, his body shaking with a sob. He was completely alone. Just like he always knew he would be. He had no one to care for him, no one to love him, no one to spend his life with. The dock began falling out from underneath him, and he welcomed the water swallowing him whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so sad I'm so sorry
> 
> I love all your comments so much <3
> 
> Come yell at me for making the boys sad on tumblr? @ilovefoodandgirls


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does have some violence and death so take care reading if that sort of stuff bothers you

John woke up with a start, dried tears on his face and heart pounding. After a minute of orienting himself to his surroundings, he became aware of the pounding on his door. A consistent, loud banging, and a voice, Alex’s, filled with urgency. “Laurens! I’m serious, you need to open the door!”

He groaned, burying his face back into his pillow. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? “Go away!” he snapped, trying to block out the noise. 

“John! Please open the door! We’re in trouble, and you need to get out of there!” 

He bolted up, the blanket falling off his bare chest, and snapped his mind out of its groggy state. Trouble? As he paid more attention, he could hear shouting outside his room, men scurrying about, panicked. His mind flashed back to the day the Revolution attacked his own ship. The noises were eerily similar. He stood up quickly, sense of urgency guiding him, and pulled a shirt on, followed by pants. All the while, Alex continued to bang on the door and yell at him. When he finally pulled it open, he came face to face with Alex, nearly knocking him over. “What’s going on?” John gasped. 

“We’re being attacked by some European ship. We didn’t know any would be in this area, but apparently our intelligence was off. Fuck, it’s not good. We weren’t prepared. Don’t have nearly as many supplies as we did, and we haven’t been able to restock.” 

John took in Alex’s frantic voice, the look of utter panic in his eyes. “Do you have any extra weapons? A sword? Pistols?” 

Alex looked down at the floor. “We do, but you’re not supposed to have any weapons. You’re still our prisoner. Lafayette made it very clear when he agreed to let you leave your room the first time that I wasn’t to let you near any weapons in case you decided to use them against us.”

“Well fuck, Alex!” John snapped, making Alex look up. “Guess I’ll just wait to die then? Maybe Lafayette doesn’t trust me, but I thought you did at least. Now, do you want my help or not?” He stared unwaveringly at Alex, daring him to say no. 

Alex hesitated, but eventually nodded his head slowly. “Yeah, of course I do,” he whispered. “Come on,” he said a little louder, motioning John to follow him down another set of stairs. They emerged into a large storage room filled with supplies. Alex lead them to a far corner where guns, cannon balls, ammo, swords, and daggers were neatly sorted into separate piles. Some of the other men were down there too, grabbing what they could and rushing back up to the main deck. “Take what you need,” he said, hand brushing against where his own dagger was concealed. “Are you good with a sword? If they get on board, it will be very close range.”

John nodded stiffly. “Yes, I know how to use a sword. And a pistol as well,” he said, grabbing one from a box and loading it quickly. “Did you see how many men they have?”

“At least as many as we do. Likely more.”

John cursed, grabbing a sword before turning back to Alex. He was staring at him with those large brown eyes, rocking back and forth on the balls of the feet. 

“John?” he said quietly, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. 

“Yeah? What is it?”

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know I didn’t handle all…” He waved his hands between the two of them before continuing, “all this… very well. But I really do want you to stay. I don’t want you to go back to the colonies, and I don’t want you to just stay here as a crew member. You mean more to me than that. Later, please just let me explain to you how everything can work out with us. Please?”

John stood in shock, the words punching the breath out of his lungs. His muscles didn’t work. He couldn’t move. He just stood there feeling his heartbeat pulse through every inch of his body. 

“John?” Alex looked nervous, almost frightened.

“We have to go,” he said, shaking his head to bring himself back to reality. It wasn't the time for this conversation right now. “We need to help the others.” The two of them rushed back up the stairs, Alex on John’s heels. When they made it to the main deck, John felt a sudden drop in his stomach as the other ship came into his line of sight. It was huge, large sails pushing it towards them and a mass of people on the deck scurrying around. He noticed a flag flying high. It was far away, but he could recognize the design. Spain. The thought sparked in his brain before he knew it was happening. This was his chance to escape. His chance to get off the pirate ship with his dignity and hopefully make it back to the colonies. He could go home, avoid the humiliation of a ransom, and get away from all of this. He felt the embers of hope stir in gut. 

Then Alex was squeezing his shoulder to get his attention and speaking quickly, frantically. John vaguely registered his words as some sort of instructions and did his best to follow them. He went after Alex, moving to the side of the ship where he was yelling at a group of men, instructing them on how to load the cannons and the best angles for a good shot. The men paid rapt attention, and John had the distinct feeling that they had done this many times before. He felt a surge of respect for Alex, watching him take command. He did the math lightning quick and yelled out angles and instructions, the men responding with “yes, sirs” and solemn nods. John couldn't suppress a small smile.

He glanced towards the other side of the ship. Saw Lafayette huddled up with another group of men, talking strategy and making sure they were all prepared as best they could be. John felt a little lost in all of it, but he tried to stay present. Tried to listen and watch and think. Reminded himself that a battle between the men of two ships was not that much different than a battle between two armies on land, and he had a good head for war strategy when he didn’t let his ego get in the way.

They were hit was blast after blast, but their own crew fired back admirably. Both ships were strong, neither surrendering to the brutal waves below them. Much as Alex and his men tried to prevent it, the Spanish ship got closer and closer. Before they knew it, the two ships were bridged and men were streaming onto their deck, guns drawn and swords at their sides. John tensed, familiar rush of adrenaline pounding through his veins. 

If he told them who he was, they would probably rescue him. Bring him back onto their Spanish ship and deliver him to the colonies. Deliver him home. He’d be crazy to give up the chance. 

But then Alex was looking at him with those big brown eyes, sparkling with excitement and passion, and John felt his heartstrings pull tight. He realized he hadn’t truly known any home all his life. Home was more than a place or blood relatives. Home was the feeling you got when you looked at someone and knew you’d rather be with them than any other person in the entire world. He had found his home, and he wasn’t stupid enough to let it go sailing away now. He flashed a smile at Alex, pulling his sword out of its holder and bracing himself for the onslaught. In the blink of eye, the battle was in full swing all around them. Bodies moving everywhere, everything a blur, the clink of metal on metal, and the booming sound of bullets being fired. It all meshed together in John’s mind, one great symphony of chaos and destruction, and he was a musician. Slicing and stabbing at anyone in arm’s reach. Manic glint in his eyes as he chased the rush of the fight, cutting men down as if they were nothing. A bullet whizzed by him, and he made eye contact with the man who shot it, drawing his own pistol and shooting him dead as he tried desperately to reload. He saw the man fall out of the corner of his eye, but he had already switched his focus to the next Spanish soldier in front of him. He moved through them one by one, never letting his guard down, never letting them get the best of him. When he was on the battlefield he always felt like he was truly living up to his potential. He may not be able to be the man his father wanted him to be, but he could sure as hell slice a man in just the right spot so he fell to the ground in a pool of his own blood. As the men still fighting on the ship started to thin out, he became more and more aware of his surroundings. Lafayette was maybe fifteen feet away from him, burying his dagger in another man’s chest. Alex was towards his other side, darting back and forth as he took aim at a Spaniard. John drove his sword through the man in front of him, and suddenly there was no one else nearby. There was a moment of stillness, something almost like peace, but not quite that comfortable, and then he saw it. A man maybe twenty feet away taking aim for Alex with his pistol, gun drawn and finger about to pull the trigger. He didn’t have time to think about what he was doing, barely had time to breathe as he raced over and jumped in the bullet's path, falling to the ground, his knees giving out as his vision turned black. Then he was on the floorboards, eyes refusing to open, but still aware enough to hear the sounds of the fighting dying down around him. In a moment, he felt hands on him, tugging and pushing, trying to get him into an upright position. A sharp pain shot through his body, electrifying him, starting in his shoulder and spreading out to coat every inch of him in agony. He groaned, refusing to lift his head from its spot on the ground. 

Then Alex’s voice was in his ear, soothing circles rubbed into his back. “John Laurens, you are an absolute moron. Fuck,” he breathed, his voice hitching. “Sit up please, you idiot. I need to know you’re okay. And then I can reiterate how much of boneheaded piece of shit you are for doing something so profoundly stupid.”

John managed to pull himself up with Alex’s help, sitting back on knees, his body throbbing with the movement, and every twitch a fire in his veins. He winced, gasping out with the pain, but opened his eyes and looked up. “Alex?” he grunted, squinting his eyes to get a good look at his face. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes, and he was covered in blood. From the looks of it, it was someone else’s. Maybe multiple other people’s. His hair was matted a bit where it hung loose in his ponytail, and his shoulders were slumped forward, his body leaning like a protective shield over John. 

Once he heard John speak, Alex barked out a hysteric laugh. “Fuck you, Laurens. And thank God you’re alive. Can you stand?”

John highly doubted it, but he tried anyway, his legs like jelly and the pain lighting up his every nerve. He yelled out with the intensity of it and felt his muscles sag back into relaxation. “Shit, it hurts,” he moaned through gritted teeth. “I can’t do it, Alex. Can’t move. Fuck, just don’t worry about me. You need to protect yourself.”

That familiar smirk cracked through his layer of concern. “You dumbass,” he teased, voice thick, shaking his head. “The fighting is done. We’re safe now.” His voice cracked with the last sentence, and John could see the worry weighing him down. “Just need to get you some help and everything will be fine.” He paused, staring down at him. John noticed his lip tremble before he turned his head away to hide it. “I’m going to get someone to help you, okay? Just hang in there, I’ll be back.” He scrambled to his feet, and John was alone again. Nothing but his pain to speak to him. It whispered sweet promises of relief in his mind, if only he would give in and close his eyes, let the blood slip from his body and ease him over to a place where he wouldn’t feel the agony anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John noooooo :(
> 
> All your comments and nice words are making me so happy <3 
> 
> Come yell at me on Tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls 
> 
> Happy holidays everyone!


	9. Chapter 9

When John woke, the first thing he noticed was that he was not in his own bed. It felt wrong. Too high off the ground. Too spacious. Too soft. His head was propped on two pillows, and soft blankets covered him from his toes to his neck. He wasn’t ready to open his eyes yet, so he just listened. Two voices nearby, speaking in low, hushed tones.

“He will be okay, Alexander. He has been steady for a while now, and the bleeding has stopped. He just needs to rest and build his strength back up.”

“But it’s my fault, Lafayette.” He sounded pained. “He fucking jumped in front of me. I should have been paying more attention. Should have seen it coming. He literally took a goddamn bullet for me. What if he gets worse?”

“We are doing everything we can, darling,” Lafayette’s voice soothed. “I do not plan on letting him die. Not after he saved the most precious person in the world to me.”

Alex sighed, loud enough that John could hear it, and then they were silent. John cracked one eye open to see the two of them standing on the other side of the captain’s quarters, Alex resting his head against Lafayette’s chest. He noted that Alex was no longer coated in blood, and wondered how much time had passed since he had fallen to the floor of the deck. He tried to roll onto his side, but the sharp pain in his shoulder stopped him in tracks, causing him to curse loudly. Both men snapped their heads in his direction, and he flushed, half with embarrassment and half with the exertion of the movement. 

“You’re awake!” Alex rushed towards the bed, bringing a hand to push his curls out of his face. “You need to stay still. You got hit pretty bad out there,” his voice faded with the last sentence, his tone sounding distressed. 

John nodded, slow small movements of his head. “Yeah,” he breathed out. “I remember that part.”

“John,” Alex started, running a thumb over his cheek, eyes wet with unshed tears. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe you’d do that for me. You could have died.” His voiced cracked, and a sob overtook him, his shoulders shaking. “Fuck, you could have died, you moron.”

Lafayette stood behind Alex, a hand on the small of his back. His expression was unreadable as Alex continued to fuss over him. 

“Is the pain bad? Is there anything else we can do to help?” he pressed, squeezing John’s hand. 

“It hurts, but not as much as it did at first. Unless you have a medic on board, I don’t think there’s much else you can do.” Alex’s concern was endearing, and John felt himself smiling despite everything.

Lafayette cleared his throat, his voice starting low and uncertain. “Truly Laurens, I wish to thank you from the bottom of my heart. If I lost Alexander, I do not know what I would do. I cannot imagine my life without him. I was so concerned you would turn on us to secure your freedom, but you proved me wrong in every way imaginable. I am sorry I doubted you, mon ami, and I hope I can find a way to earn your forgiveness.”

John was speechless. This man, the captain who had decided to take him prisoner, who had barely spoken to him up until that one uncomfortable conversation, was now speaking to him as… what? An equal? A friend? He sounded so different than normal. So vulnerable. When John glanced up, his eyes didn’t hold that same hard dominance that they usually did. They were soft, warm. He gave a small nod in lieu of a response. Hoped that Lafayette could understand he appreciated it. 

“Alex?” he asked in tiny voice, biting his lower lip. 

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Would it be okay if you lied down with me?” His face heated up with the question, but he forced himself to keep going. “I want someone here. Someone to be close to me.” 

Alex smiled down at him, face filled with emotion. “Of course. Anything, honey.” He folded the corner of the blanket over and climbed in, shuffling around a bit until he fit beside him comfortably. He turned on his side to face John and propped himself up on one elbow. After a moment of contemplation, he said again, “I can’t believe you did that.” His voice carried a note of awe, filled with disbelief and appreciation. “You saved my life.”

“The bullet didn’t kill me,” John mumbled, embarrassed. “There’s a good chance it wouldn’t have killed you either.”

Alex’s laugh sent butterflies to his heart. “Maybe,” he allowed, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Still, it was an incredibly brave and stupid thing to do. Let me just be grateful for you, okay?” 

John nodded, feeling his cheeks tingle and wishing for Alex’s lips in other places. 

“Can I hold you?” he asked, eyes big and warm. John couldn’t say no to that. 

He felt Alex’s arms wrap around him, fitting close against the side of his body. He wished his shoulder wasn’t in so much pain so he could turn and press himself even closer. Still, it felt good to be held. If taking a bullet was all he had to do to finally get this sort of physical closeness, he knew he’d do it again in a heartbeat. John let his eyes fall closed, content to just enjoy the moment. His breathing slowed down as he listened to Alex’s heartbeat beside him. He began to think he was dreaming, the only thing reassuring him that this was in fact real was the throbbing ache in his shoulder. 

He only opened his eyes again when he heard Alex’s soft snoring next to him. After smiling at the sleeping man wrapped around him, he glanced up, making eye contact with Lafayette. He was sitting on the chair by the desk, looking unsure of himself. When he noticed John was still awake, he shifted, looking uncomfortable. “Would you like me to leave? Give you some privacy?” he asked nervously. 

“No, it’s fine,” John responded in a quiet voice, wanting to shrug but deciding against it with the sharp pains pulsing through his shoulder. “Is this…” he trailed off looking down at Alex. He was breathing in and out deeply, his chest rising and falling. “Is this okay with you?” 

Lafayette nodded with more confidence than the moment before. “Of course. Mon ami, Alexander has always been able to pursue whomever he wishes. We left the colonies to live life without so many restrictions. I would not feel right telling him he could not love someone other than me, and I know he loves you a great deal.” John blinked, suddenly uncomfortable, but Lafayette hardly noticed. “I would be a fool not to notice it. I’m very happy, to be honest with you, Laurens. He has seemed so… ah the word escapes me… full of life? He’s been so excited and happy since you arrived. It’s been a wonderful change in him. For a while I was worried. He seemed discontent. But that all seems to have faded away now.”

John’s head swam with the information. It was strange enough to hear the word ‘love’ applied to their relationship, but to hear Lafayette openly giving his blessing? It was like some strange dream, but he knew he was too grounded in reality to think something like this up. “He makes me happy too,” John whispered. 

“I figured as much,” Lafayette said with a sly smile. “He’s a very special person, my Alexander. I figure you are very special as well, to have captured his heart like this.” 

John, unable to find any more words to properly explain the moment, just nodded again, turning his head slightly to the side to look at Alex’s face. He seemed almost peaceful, mouth slightly open, breathing in and out, the rhythm of it seeming to sync with John’s heartbeat. “He must have been tired,” he said, changing the topic to avoid getting too emotional. 

“He was,” Lafayette said matter-of-factly, a small smile on his lips. “He has been waiting here for you to wake up. You were out for quite a while, and he insisted on staying awake through the night. He wanted to make sure if you woke up, or if you got worse, he was here to help.”

John bit his lip. Wished he could think of more responses than continuously nodding, but he wasn’t feeling particularly eloquent at the moment. They fell into an uncomfortable silence, the tentative friendship between them too new and untested to keep the conversation afloat. “Do you think I could borrow a book?” John asked, eyeing the very full bookshelf against the wall. “I imagine I’m going to go insane with boredom while I recover from this, stuck in bed.” 

Lafayette smiled, gave the smallest breath of laughter, and walked over to the shelves. “What types of books do you enjoy reading?” He ran his fingers along the edges of them, reading the titles as he went. 

“Pretty much anything, I suppose. Do you have any classics? That would keep me busy for a while.”

Lafayette plucked a thick volume from the shelf and turned around with a bright smile. “I am sure it will,” he agreed, reaching out to hand John the book. “That one is Alexander’s favorite I believe. He reads it very often.” John looked down at the book in his hand. The Republic. John couldn’t say he was surprised that Alex found Plato’s words interesting. Thinking about the philosophy of justice and its role in ruling others did seem to be a very Alex thing to think about. 

“Before you start reading, can I ask you a question, mon ami?” 

“Uh, sure.”

“Have you thought about staying on the ship any more since we last talked? I know a lot has happened in between these two conversations, but if you want to stay, we would be glad to have you aboard.” 

John swallowed, but still felt like his throat was dry as he responded. “I have thought about it, yes. I need a little more time,” he said, his voice tapering off into a barely audible quietness. It was ridiculous, he thought. He knew he wanted to stay. Every piece of his heart was screaming at him to stay. He knew it in his very soul, he was meant to be here with these men. But he couldn’t speak the words yet. 

Lafayette nodded thoughtfully. “That is okay, Laurens. Take your time, and when you are ready, let us know.” 

“Okay,” he mumbled shyly, eyes downcast. He could feel Lafayette watching him, and he resolutely opened the book, staring at the page with unnecessary determination. It took him a while, but eventually he was able to get over his self-consciousness and found himself absorbed in the words on the pages. He could almost forget Lafayette was there as he focused on the lines of text. Pages that Alex had read over and over again. He let himself get lost in the world of Plato’s writings, and in that moment John felt like everything might be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! 
> 
> My babies are happy *cries for five hours*
> 
> I love all of your comments and all of the wishes for a good holiday! I'm currently warm and cozy in a new blanket and scarf :) 
> 
> I'd love to hear what you guys think on here or over at tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls
> 
> <3 <3 <3


	10. Chapter 10

A month had passed since the incident when John got shot. Since he took a bullet for Alex, John corrected himself. He decided it was important to remind himself why he got shot and was in so much pain. He wasn’t shot because he was being reckless or wasn’t skilled enough in battle. No, the bullet wound in his shoulder was the result of his love for Alex. The carnal need to protect him and save him from harm. Save him from death. He didn’t have to think, didn’t have to reason with himself, he just reacted and revealed his feelings more than his words ever could.

He was starting to feel a lot better. Sometimes he could almost forget about the injury. His shoulder would feel okay for a while, he would think he was finally healed, and then he’d stretch his arm in just the wrong way and feel that sharp, jolting pain. He was certainly glad to be moving around though. The first week was tough, bedridden with no sunshine and nothing to do but read and talk and think. Luckily, Alex and Lafayette would stay with him if he asked, and Alex was never one to pass up a conversation. Once he felt strong enough to move around a little, he pleaded with them to let him spend his days on the deck with everyone else. Argued that fresh air and sunshine were healthy and would probably speed up the healing process. They eventually surrendered, helpless to deny him when he was so set on getting out of that room. He had already been confined to a room once on this ship, and he wasn’t too inclined to repeat the ordeal for longer than necessary. 

He currently leaned against the edge of the ship with Alex, his good arm propped up by his elbow on the ledge, cradling his face in his hand as he stared out at the horizon. It was sunset. His mother always liked sunsets, called them nature’s reset. She said as long as this day was ending and a new one was coming, there was always time to change. John would sometimes sit out with her at the end of the day during the summers, sitting in her lap on the top of the tallest hill on the property where they could see as much sky as possible. As a child, John had loved the way the colors blended and faded into one another, painting pictures across the entire sky. He was convinced it was magical. Nothing that beautiful could be real. 

He turned to his right, taking in the man next to him. Alex was standing there staring out at the sea as well, lost in his own thoughts. John watched the glow of the sunset illuminating his face and thought maybe he had been wrong all those years ago. The most beautiful things in the world were in fact real, and they were within reach if you were willing to just stretch your arms out a little further. He leaned his head over to rest on Alex’s shoulder, bridging the small gap between them. Peaceful. 

It had been one month, and he still hadn’t answered the biggest question they asked of him. He was nervous to say the words aloud. Nervous to let them know he wanted to stay with them and live a life so completely different than the one he had known before. The change terrified and excited him. His time on the ship so far had been a whirlwind of adjustment, and he wasn’t sure he would be able to ever fully feel like a part of all this. To feel like a pirate. The sun was falling lower in the sky, reflecting purples and pinks and oranges in the ocean water. His mother was right, John thought as he watched the sun’s reflection, sunsets were the perfect chance to make a change and set your life on a new path. 

“I want to stay here with you, Alex,” he blurted out, his eyes still fixed on the sunset in the water. “I want to stay with you and Lafayette and everyone else. And that scares me a little. And I’m not sure how I’ll feel in one month or one year or ten years. But I know that right now all I want is to be as close to you as possible and spend my time getting to know every single minute detail there is to know about you.” He could feel himself blushing furiously, but found he didn’t care. He braced himself in the silence that followed, unsure what would come next.

Then, Alex’s hand reached towards his chin, tipping his face up to lock their eyes. He had the most perfect, genuine smile spread across his face, his eyes watery. “I love you, John Laurens,” he said, leaning in to capture his lips in a kiss. John tensed, surprised, but soon relaxed into it. Alex’s lips were softer than he thought they’d be, dancing with his own. John parted his lips a tiny bit. An invitation. Alex took that invitation like it would get him into the hottest social event of the season. He felt his tongue pressing inside, prodding carefully, learning the shape of his mouth. He moaned softly, the sensations starting to build into something more, but then Alex was pulling away, catching his bottom lip between his teeth as he straightened up. 

“I love you too,” John whispered breathlessly, feeling his own grin mimicking Alex’s. He reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing it tightly in his own. They stayed there, hand in hand, leaning against one another, until the sun had sunk below the line where the sky and ocean met. John’s cheeks hurt from smiling so long, and he started to shiver in the cold air, the discomfort not enough to force him out of this perfect moment.

Eventually Alex turned and looked him in the eyes, leaning in for one more quick kiss. “Can we go and tell Lafayette?” At the look on John’s face, Alex gave him a reassuring squeeze on the arm. “He’s going to be excited, John. He really does like you.”

The last month had led to an interesting transition in his relationship with Lafayette. The original tension between them was mostly gone, but it was replaced with a new sort of uncomfortableness. He no longer feared that Lafayette would make him walk the plank and drown in the sea, but he did worry about how he perceived the relationship between himself and Alex. Worried that maybe he’d get sick of sharing one day and decide he didn’t want to let Alex be with him anymore. He overthought every word, every move, when they were in the same room together. He was terrified of doing something wrong and ruining this wonderful thing that still felt so new, so breakable. 

And then there were other complications in John’s friendship with Lafayette. The complications that stemmed from intrusive thoughts about Lafayette shirtless, Lafayette stripped down to his skin, Lafayette behind him and fucking him within an inch of his life. The more time he spent around him, the stronger his feelings grew. It really was quite inconvenient that when he was nervously trying to focus on saying the right things, he was simultaneously fantasizing about the same man making him sweat in all the best ways. 

Alex gave him another small squeeze, pulling him up out of his thoughts. “I guess so,” he said in a voice so quiet he hoped Alex wouldn’t hear it. 

The smile that spread across Alex’s face comforted him the tiniest bit, and he allowed himself to be lead to the captain’s quarters where Lafayette was working on writing something at his desk. Alex, exponentially more comfortable in this space than John, plopped himself down on the edge of the bed, bouncing a bit as his weight settled. John stayed standing, leaning against the wall, close enough that Alex could still reach over and grab his hand. 

“Hey Laf,” Alex greeted as Lafayette put his quill down and turned around in his chair. “We missed you after dinner tonight.”

“You know I have a lot to get finished right now,” Lafayette mumbled, glancing back towards the desk. But when Alex pouted at him, his face broke into a grin. “Alright, alright mon chou. What do you want? Do you want me to go out to the main deck and sing with all the other drunk men? Because you know how terrible I sound when I try to sing after drinking. I do not know why you would want to subject everyone to that.”

Alex rolled his eyes, leaning over to his side and resting his body weight on one hand. “No,” he replied, grinning cheekily. “Just wanted to come spend some time with you. Is that so horrible?” 

John breathed a laugh at the overly dramatic mock offense his voice suggested. “Yeah,” he agreed, nodding seriously. “Also, it’s cold as fuck out there.”

The corner of Lafayette’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “Okay, okay. I am done with my work for now anyway. You two have distracted me so much I fear I will not be able to regain my focus anyway.”

“Perfect!” Alex said in a cheery voice. “So John,” he started, turning towards him. John could already feel his face heating up. “Tell Laf the good news!” He sounded so eager, so happy, that John couldn’t find it in himself to try to get out of the conversation. 

“Um,” he began, staring at his feet. “So, you know how you asked a while back if I wanted to stay or not?”

Lafayette arched his eyebrows, but nodded. “Yes, I remember asking you that question twice.”

“Um, yeah,” John muttered. “Well…” He lifted his eyes, looking up to see Lafayette staring at him with a mix of emotions. Hope, warmth, impatience. Other feelings that John couldn’t quite place. “I’ve decided I want to stay. I don’t want to leave Alex… or you,” he added with a small smile as he looked up at him through his lashes. “You guys are important to me, and I feel more at home here than I have anywhere else. I think if I left, I would grow to hate myself for it.”

Lafayette nearly jumped out of his chair and crossed the room in a few long strides, scooping John into his arms and gripping him tightly in a hug. For the second time that night, John felt his body tense in surprise. When Lafayette pulled away grinning, he must have noticed the shocked look on his face. “I am sorry, mon ami,” he said, laughing. “I did not mean to frighten you. I am just very, very happy to know you are staying.”

“You didn’t frighten me,” John grumbled, but no one paid it any attention. 

“Does that mean John can sleep in our bed again?” Alex asked Lafayette, eyes alight with excitement. 

John was about to protest, but Lafayette immediately responded with a shrug of his shoulders. “I do not see why not. It is big enough for the three of us, after all.”

“I don’t have to,” John stumbled over his words as they spilled out. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Lafayette.”

“Nonsense,” he said, waving him off. “Why would that make me uncomfortable? You slept in our bed while you were recovering from your wound.”

“But that was different,” John insisted.

Lafayette shrugged again. “Maybe, but I really do not care, Laurens. If you are comfortable with it, you can sleep in our bed. I am sure Alexander would enjoy keeping you close at night.” John blushed, sure he heard a hint of innuendo in his voice. Alex nodded vigorously, squeezing his hand. 

John swallowed, hoping he could find words again. “If you really don’t mind…” he trailed off, thinking how nice it would be to feel Alex next to him while he fell asleep. 

Alex clapped his hands together, beaming between the two of them. “It’s settled then! John and I get to sleep together.” He was smiling deviously, his eyes dark. 

“Alex!” John choked out, face now bright red.

“You’re so cute and innocent,” he teased, tugging on his arm until he begrudgingly sat on the bed next to him. “I’m just picking on you, honey. I promise you don’t have to suck my cock until you’re good and ready. In fact, I will be insulted if you are anything but absolutely thrilled when you finally go down on me.”

“You are terrible,” he pouted. “I’m just here excited to cuddle with you, and you have to go and twist it all into something dirty.” Though he couldn’t deny the thought of getting on his knees for Alex had his cock filling out. 

Alex reached an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him tight. “You know you love me, sweetheart.” He placed a kiss to his temple, brushing a stray curl away from his face. 

John did know it. It had sprung up on him, but now that he said the words aloud, he was so sure he loved Alex that he couldn’t in his wildest dreams deny it. If making this decision, the decision to stay and be true to himself, was his sunset moment, then Alex was the force pushing the earth into rotation, causing day and night and every new beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of your feedback has been so lovely <3 I can't thank you all enough for bringing me so many reasons to smile
> 
> As always, any and all comments are so appreciated!
> 
> Come talk with me on tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls


	11. Chapter 11

The next month on the Revolution passed in a lazy sort of bliss for John. He woke up most mornings still pressed up against the warmth of Alex’s body, listening to the sound of his breathing while he read in bed before getting up for the day. Peaceful mornings transitioned into boisterous days with the crew. It had taken a while for everyone to get used to the idea of John as a new member of their family rather than a prisoner, but they slowly came around, and he felt himself growing more and more fond of them every day. When Alex wasn’t around, he spent a lot of time with Walker. He treated John like a little brother, teasing him and ruffling his hair. He showed him how to get second servings of food and kept him up to date on all the details of the other men and their lives. 

One day, they were standing towards the front of the ship, supervising the crew and making sure they were heading in the right direction, while Alex and Lafayette worked on some plans in the captain’s quarters. “So,” Walker turned to him, flashing a grin. “You and Hamilton have gotten very close since that attack.”

John chewed his lip nervously. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “I guess so.”

Walker just laughed. “Laurens, you don’t have to hide it or anything. We all knew it was going to happen eventually. Three nights before the attack the two of you were practically about to jump each other’s bones right there in front of all of us.”

“What?” John sputtered, his eyebrows raised.

“That night when we were all drunk. Well, more drunk than usual,” he amended with a fond chuckle. “The two of you were all, well…” He made some hand gestures, trying and failing to describe how they had looked together that night. “Well, you know. You were laying in his lap, Laurens. There’s not many men who couldn’t put two and two together there.”

John’s face heated up, flushed even deeper in the cold December breeze. “I didn’t realize y’all were paying us any attention. I was just very intoxicated that night. I didn’t intend for anything to happen.”

Walker’s mouth quirked up on one side. “Well did anything happen?”

“What? No!” John stammered in indignation. “Oh god, is that what everyone thought? No, nothing happened. I went back to my bed and fell asleep. Alex sat with me for a little bit,” John felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him as he thought back to how drunk he had been that night. Alex’s teasing words as he denied his feelings. “But nothing happened. He just helped me get into bed, and we talked for a little bit, and then he left.”

Walker tried to suppress his laughter. “No need to be so defensive. So, when was the first time you two…? If you don’t mind me asking?” 

John felt his face go impossibly redder. “We haven’t. Haven’t done anything like that,” he hissed in a whisper. He could read the surprise on Walker’s face. 

“Really? I just assumed, with the amount of time you two spend together, and all the touching and kissing… Well damn.”

John pursed his lips together, unsure how to change the topic. Luckily, Walker could sense his discomfort and did so for him. As they began discussing Christmas traditions, John couldn’t help but think about being intimate with Alex that way. He craved to know how he would taste under his tongue, what his fingers would feel like running over bare skin, how he would look coming apart. He wanted it so bad, but he didn’t know how to ask for it. True to his word, Alex had been infuriatingly patient with him, not pestering him for anything more than soft kisses and the feel of his arms at night. He imagined he would not have been quite so patient if he hadn’t also had Lafayette to keep him satisfied. 

 

Christmas approached quicker than John had anticipated. He was surprised at how festive the men of the Revolution seemed to get as the day drew closer, and by the time it arrived the ship was practically buzzing with excitement. Alex had told him that Lafayette was used to a big celebration from when he grew up in France, and so he brought that celebration to the ship every year. They had recently stopped at a port and acquired more food and warm clothing. And more liquor. Lafayette had even managed to scrounge up some garland to decorate the railings. It felt much more joyous than Christmas at home ever did, his family never really embracing the holiday spirit. 

They spent the day drinking and singing carols, playing silly games and enjoying each other’s company. McHenry cooked them an expansive feast with the help of some of the others. John was surprised when Alex headed towards the kitchens and began gathering some of the newly acquired ingredients. “You cook?” he asked, eyebrow cocked. 

“Not all of us grew up with a house staff, pretty boy,” he bit his lower lip as he plucked items from their cupboards. “Some of us had to learn to cook. Honestly, it’s kind of soothing. Feels good to make something yourself and then enjoy it.” John watched as he began mixing some flour and butter in a bowl. “You want to help? I’d appreciate it if you could start peeling those potatoes over there,” he tilted his head back towards the counter behind him. John did as he was asked, content with the happily domestic feeling of the two of them working in relative silence. After a short time, they were putting a pie in the large oven, the smell of onion and spices already filling the air. Alex had told him it was a favorite of Lafayette’s from back when he was a kid, but he couldn’t cook or bake for the life of him, so Alex had hunted down a recipe and now he baked it every year. John felt his heart squeeze at how sweet Alex could be under his sarcastic exterior. 

 

Dinner was as wonderful as the hype had lead him to believe. His head buzzed with rum as he took a bite of ham, his mouth watering at the taste of well-cooked meat. The men sat in a large circle on the floor, reminiscent of the night of his birthday. He and Alex were leaning against the side of the ship, Lafayette on Alex’s other side sipping some dark colored drink. There was laughter and a feeling of ease as they all ate, the booze flowing through them and everyone seeming happier, more generous, more tight-knit. 

As they finished up desserts, another round of Christmas carols began. John was surprised to hear Lafayette joining in. He was slightly off key, but made up for it with his exuberance, his eyes sparkling with joy. As John took his final bite of apple pie, he felt a tugging on his coat sleeve. Alex was urging him up, his eyes bright and his cheeks rosy. “Come on,” he purred. “We haven’t been alone all day.” John allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, practically jogging to keep up with Alex. He was dragged inside the captain’s quarters, the door decisively closed behind them, and then pulled into a deep kiss. Alex’s hand was behind his head, keeping him held close. His tongue slipped inside his mouth, moving with practiced ease. John felt a hand on his chest, pushing him backwards until he felt the cool wood of the door behind him. He couldn’t hold back a quiet whimper as Alex pressed against him and one thigh pushed in between his legs. 

“You like that, honey?” Alex teased as he pulled away from John’s lips and increased the pressure near his cock. He nodded his head quickly, panting as he regained his breath. “Want to hear you say it.”

“It feels so good, Alex. Fuck, you feel so good,” he managed to get out through the buzz of alcohol and arousal in his brain and the adrenaline pumping through his blood. 

Alex took a small step back, and John whined at the loss of contact. He stared for a moment, his gaze slowly traveling up and down the length of his body. John felt a sharp pang of self-consciousness and a sudden urge to turn away. Alex just smiled, reaching a hand out to grab his chin and turn him back so their eyes met. “Love you so much, John.” The words made him melt, and suddenly he felt too warm in his coat. “How are you feeling?”

John licked his lips, taking stock of himself. Physically he was feeling fine. His shoulder had healed and the site of the wound very rarely bothered him these days. Beyond that, he was impatient, frustrated. He wanted so many things, but he wasn’t sure how to ask for them. Wasn’t sure he’d be any good at them anyway. He was worried when he finally did tell Alex he wanted to take things further, it would be a huge disappointment. They’d be dropping him off at the nearest piece of land, realizing it was all a mistake and he wasn’t really worth all the trouble. He swallowed hard, considering his words. “I want you,” he whispered, surprising himself. As soon as he said it, his body burned even brighter with desire. He could feel the physical ache in his gut. 

He heard Alex draw in a sharp breath. When he glanced up, he was looking at John with dark eyes, biting his lip. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” John breathed out. “I am. I want you so bad, Alex. I’ve wanted you for so long now. I’ve been dying for you to touch me. To give me more than just kissing. I need it.” 

Alex groaned in appreciation, unbuttoning his coat and shrugging it off. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear that, baby. Take off your coat for me?” 

John did as he was told, fumbling with the buttons and draping it over the desk chair. He turned back towards Alex, eager for more instructions. 

“C’mere,” Alex said gently, beckoning him towards the bed where he had taken a seat. John crossed the room again, sitting down on the spot where Alex patted the blanket. “That’s much better. Now I can see that pretty body of yours. You really do look good in my clothes. If I recall though, you look even better without them.” He raised one eyebrow, prompting him. John felt himself harden under the material of his pants, arousal low in his gut. 

He grabbed the hem of the shirt pulling it over his head and tossing it on the bed next to them. Alex leaned forward, tracing a finger lightly down his abdomen. He sighed, adoration in his eyes, and John shivered at the attention. “God, you’re so beautiful. I’ll never get tired of these freckles. Or these abs.” John breathed out a moan, the praise going straight to his dick. “You like that, pretty boy? Like when I talk about your gorgeous body?”

He felt himself flush deeper as he nodded, embarrassed but too far gone to really care. He gasped as Alex dipped a finger below the top of his pants, brushing the skin underneath lightly. His cock twitched in response. His body was on fire, begging for more, just waiting to consume him. As Alex’s fingers brushed lower, he jerked his hips forward, desperate for contact. 

Alex placed his other hand at the top of his thigh, holding him still. “Be patient,” he chided. “I’m going to touch your cock, don’t worry.” John felt his body itching for it, the words sending a small bit of relief his way. “But not before I have you begging for it, trembling and desperate for me to touch you. How does that sound?”

He let out a tiny whimper as he bit down on his lower lip, a burst of arousal overwhelming him. “Need you to speak up, honey,” Alex told him. “Or else I’m not touching you anywhere.” To prove his point, he pulled his fingers away.

John was embarrassed by how quickly that affected him. “Please, Alex. I’ll do anything, just don’t stop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you all hate me for ending this chapter here???  
> Sorry it was a really awkward chunk of writing to separate into chapters this is how it had to be... but it just gives you more to look forward to, right?
> 
> Anyway, yell at me in the comments. I love them all, you guys don't even know how much I appreciate each and every one. 
> 
> Come yell at me on tumblr too! @ilovefoodandgirls Or ask me questions or send me requests. I'm not picky I just like attention. 
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone, I hope you're excited for the next chapter!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! The last chapter! Thank you all for sticking with me through all of this, and I hope you enjoy!

John waited for Alex’s next move, still sitting on the edge of the bed, body tight with anticipation. When Alex just stared, arms crossed over his chest and gaze unyielding, John had to bite back a whine. “Please?” he begged, his voice only a whisper, tentative and desperate. 

“Pants. Off.” 

John scrambled to obey, tugging down the soft fabric and sighing with pleasure as his cock was freed. He was painfully aware of his own nudity. Every inch of skin, every muscle, felt as if it were under scrutiny, as Alex, still fully clothed, drank him in. He leaned forward, trailing one finger up John’s inner thigh and stopping just short of his erection. 

“Only makes sense that someone with such a pretty face would also have a gorgeous dick,” he sighed. He brought his hands to John’s chest and pushed him down onto the mattress, straddling his stomach. “You can’t imagine all the things I’ve wanted to do to you, Laurens. Ever since you got on this ship, I’ve wanted to tear off your clothes, bend you over, and fuck that cute little ass until you were screaming my name.” John made a small, desperate noise below him, and Alex smirked. “You like that, baby? Like the thought of my dick pounding that sweet little hole?”

“Yes,” John moaned, his body tense. “Alex, I want you to fuck me. Please, I want you so much.”

Alex licked his lips, considering John, squirming and begging underneath him. “You’re not ready for that yet, love. Just have patience.” He ground down, and John twitched his hips up to meet him, groaning with the movement. 

Then Alex gave in, leaning over him, kissing and sucking at his neck, his collarbone, his chest. He stopped at one spot, sucking a purple mark into his skin, and John couldn’t help the cries that spilled from his lips like a prayer. “Alex,” he moaned, panting as he licked and kissed at his abs. Worshipped his body like he was a work of art. “Alex, please. Need you to touch me.”

He lifted his head briefly to lock eyes with John, tilting his head to the side in mock confusion. “I am touching you.”

“My cock, Alex, please. I need you to touch it. Need you to make me feel good. I’ll suck your dick. I’ll do whatever you want. Just please, please touch me.”

“I don’t think so.” John was infuriated as Alex returned to exploring his body with his mouth, avoiding all the places that needed attention the most. He threw his head back against the mattress, irritation winning out over his will to keep playing good. 

“Alex,” he whined, thrusting his hips up again and effectively knocking Alex off of his spot above his hips. “You’re not being fair. Just fucking touch my cock already.” He realized he would sound more convincing if he could keep his voice steady. 

Alex just raised his eyebrows, giving him a stern look. “Hold still,” he said firmly, moving down to nip at John’s thighs instead. “I’ve been waiting a long time to finally do this,” he mumbled into his skin. “Now let me do it properly and stop whining.” 

John sucked in a deep, shaky breath and tried to do as he was told. Bit down on his lip and felt the breath get caught in his chest as Alex moved further up. He was trembling with the effort of not bucking up again, staying still on the mattress with Alex’s face so close to his dick. His lips felt so good on his skin, so soft and wet, leaving each area he kissed tingling with warmth. He groaned, desire building low in his stomach as he thought about that wonderful warmth on his cock. 

Alex placed one final kiss at the crease where his thigh and hip met and then sat up, a wide grin on his face. “C’mere,” he said softly, leaning back against the headboard. John pulled himself up, crawling over and allowing Alex to arrange him so he was straddling his lap. He bit back a moan as the fabric of Alex’s pants brushed against him, the tiny bit of friction sending a jolt of need through him. Alex wrapped one hand around his neck, pulling him in for a deep, rough kiss, and John’s head swam with the attention. He was so distracted with Alex’s lips and tongue that he jumped when he felt fingers brush the length of his shaft. 

“Fuck,” he moaned into Alex’s mouth, feeling the muscles near his cock tense pleasantly. He put more effort into kissing Alex back, showing how much he wanted this, and he was almost immediately rewarded with those fingers wrapping around him, giving him a few dry strokes that had him gasping, his own fingers digging into the skin of Alex’s back. He couldn’t believe he had avoided this for so long. That he had continuously denied he wanted something that now made him feel as if he had transcended to another world. He felt Alex’s fingers digging into the curls at the base of his scalp, tangling in and pulling just enough that John had to follow the force of it, leaning his head back. Alex used the angle to bring his lips down to his neck instead, biting under his jaw, sucking the soft skin of his ear. All the while his other hand slowly worked his dick over, lazily pumping him. It was so much, almost too much, but at the same time not enough. He could feel Alex’s hard cock underneath him, pressing into the flesh of his ass. 

When he pulled away again, John found himself leaning forward, trying to chase the feeling of his hands and his tongue. Alex put one hand to his chest, keeping him just far enough away while he moved the other hand down to his pants, tugging them down. John watched, mesmerized, as his cock sprung out from underneath the fabric, pink and dripping pre-come. “Want a taste, baby?” he asked impishly, giving himself a few strokes. 

John licked his lips, nodding his head too quickly to look anything but needy. He tried to ignore his inhibitions. After all, Alex definitely seemed to enjoy him when he was desperate. He was moved off Alex’s lap gently, and then Alex was scooting to the edge of the bed, sitting with his legs spread wide and his cock arching up towards his stomach. “On your knees,” he ordered quietly, motioning to the space between his thighs. John scrambled to obey, the wood of the floorboards rough against his kneecaps. He fidgeted as he got used to the position, trying to get comfortable. Alex watched him with hunger in his eyes, licking his lips and petting John’s curls. “You look so gorgeous like this, honey. So beautiful on your knees for me. God, you’re even better than I imagined.” Fingers tangled into his hair, guiding his mouth forward. John stared for a minute, swallowing a few times and licking his lips. Then he moved forward as if drawn by a magnetic pull, his tongue licking a hot stipe up the length of Alex’s cock. He could hear the choked off moan above him as the fingers in his hair tightened. Encouraged, he wrapped his lips around Alex’s head, tentatively moving his tongue in circles before pulling off and pressing a kiss right over his slit. 

“You sure this is your first time sucking dick?” Alex said above him, his voice less steady than before. “Because you’re sure acting like a cock-sucking little whore.” John felt his cheeks burn, the mixture of praise and humiliation twisting his insides, pushing him even closer to the edge. He couldn’t respond. All he could do was wet his lips and sink down farther, taking as much of Alex’s length as he could. He tasted salty in John’s mouth, and when John moved his tongue to work the underside of his shaft, Alex jerked his hips forward, cock hitting deep in the back of his throat. He gagged at the contact, his throat spasming and making wet choking noises. When he pulled off, Alex looked down at him with both lust and a hint of concern. “Are you okay?” he asked, voice gentle. 

John quickly nodded, blinking up at him. “Yeah, I’m good.” His voice was a little too rough to be completely convincing, but then he sunk back onto Alex’s dick, bobbing his head up and down, relishing in the moans coming from above him. Every noise sent a surge of pleasure through him, his own cock growing increasingly harder.   
Eventually, the fingers in his hair were scrambling, gripping tightly as he stammered in warning, “John- John I’m close. Fuck, can I come down your throat, baby? Want you to taste me.” John did his best to nod while he continued to work Alex’s cock with his mouth, urging him on with his tongue and humming a noise of compliance. He kept going, keeping up a rhythm of long, deep strokes, and within moments Alex was crying out, his dick pulsing as hot come coated John’s mouth, salty on his tongue. He did his best to swallow, finding it difficult with his mouth so full. He waited until Alex was completely sated and pulling out of his mouth before swallowing the last of it, feeling it run warm down his throat. He knew Alex’s eyes were on him, heard him moan in appreciation at the display. His fingers were back in his curls, gentler now as they scratched at his scalp. John licked his lips and swiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his own cock painfully swollen. 

“Come back on the bed,” Alex purred, patting the blankets. John stood up slowly. He had forgotten about the discomfort from the floorboards under his knees, but as he went to move he realized how sore they were and winced. Alex reached out a hand to help him up, guiding him down onto his back over soft blankets, a pillow propping up his head. “You’ve been so patient, John,” he praised, leaning in for a kiss. He groaned in pleasure, tasting himself on John’s tongue. “So good for me. Are you ready for me to make you feel good too?”

John nodded his head, his eyes closed and focusing on the tight pressure low in his stomach. 

“John,” Alex insisted. His eyes fluttered open to see Alex straddling his thighs, looking down at him. “Use your words. What do you want?” 

“Please, Alex…” he trailed off, gripping the blankets in his fists. 

“Please what?”

“I want your lips on my cock,” he pleaded, finally breaking down. He would feel embarrassed if he weren’t so far gone. “I want you to suck me off. Want you to make me come so hard I can’t breathe.” He was sure his face was redder than a tomato, but his overwhelming need to feel that wet warmth around him was too persuasive for him to stop. He stared into Alex’s eyes, hoping he could read the words he couldn’t get out through his gaze. 

Thankfully, Alex took mercy on him, leaning down and pressing kisses to his stomach, his hips, his inner thighs, before finally moving those sweet lips to his dick. The skin was already sensitive, swollen and so desperate for friction. Alex kissed the base of shaft, licking up his length and then focusing his attention on the tip. John gasped at the attention, the stimulation causing him to buck up a bit. “Fuck, Alex,” he moaned, feeling his arousal building back up quickly. 

Alex looked up through thick lashes, his lips hovering just above the head of his cock. “Feel good, baby?” He pressed his tongue to John’s slit, the light pressure driving him crazy.

“Yes,” he breathed out reverently. “God, yes. You feel so damn good.” He gasped as Alex took him fully into his mouth, soft lips sliding all the way down his length. He felt the tip of his dick hit the back of Alex’s throat, the tight warmth feeling so wonderful it actually took his breath away. He had to remind himself to breathe again as Alex struggled to do the same. The way his throat fluttered around John as it struggled to accommodate his length had him moaning and gasping. Alex pulled back, hollowing his cheeks and dragging his lips back up before pulling off with a pop. He took a deep, shuddering breath, before lowering himself back down. John could feel his orgasm building in his gut as Alex’s tongue worked around him, far more skilled and practiced than his own had been. He watched him with heavily lidded eyes, mouth stretched obscenely around him, lips pink and swollen, slick with saliva. John couldn’t help the noises that escaped him, small pants and gasps, moans and cries, a whole symphony of sounds. John, unable to hold back any longer, began to fuck up into his mouth. Alex gave a surprised hum around him, the vibrations only urging him on, but then he just adjusted his rhythm to match John’s movements. 

“Alex,” he moaned. “Alex please, I’m so close. You’re amazing, you feel so fucking good. Please, I just need-” he cut himself off with a low groan as Alex swirled his tongue. “I just need a little more. Please, please please,” he begged, feeling his body start to tighten. Alex worked faster, responding beautifully to his pleading, speeding up his pace and quickly drawing John over the edge. 

And then John felt like he was floating. His vision went fuzzy as his cock pulsed into Alex’s mouth, the whole world gone besides the two of them. If he didn’t know any better, he would think he was under water, his body weightless and all the sounds around him muted to almost nothing. But being underwater meant drowning, and he had never felt more completely secure than in that moment. 

Alex worked him through his orgasm, only pulling off when John pushed his head away as it became too much. He blinked his eyes open, gazing sleepily at the man smiling down at him. He scooted over a little, turning onto his side and making room on the bed next to him. Alex took the hint and laid down facing him, running a hand down his side and resting it on his hip. John tucked his head up against Alex’s chest, listening to his heartbeat through his shirt. Careful fingers ran through his curls, the motion further pushing him towards sleep. “Merry Christmas, John,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

“Merry Christmas, Alex,” he responded, snuggling up against him. After a few minutes, they both got up to tug nightshirts on, sleepily falling back into the bed together. Eventually, John heard Lafayette quietly enter the room, discarding his own coat and climbing in next to Alex. As they laid together in the bed, he contemplated his life up to that point. If his father knew about any of this, he would be disowned, shamed. This is exactly the opposite of the life that had been planned out for him. He was supposed to be off fighting for his country, studying law, finding a wife, making babies of his own, building his reputation and guaranteeing the family’s honor lived on for generations to come. Instead, he had voluntarily chosen to stay here and live on a pirate ship with Alex and Lafayette. He tried to shake thoughts of his father out of his mind, reminding himself that none of that mattered anymore. He was done living his life for other people. He had suppressed his own desires for so long, and it was only now that he was able to finally indulge in them that he realized just how much he had been missing in his life. The sun had set, the year was ending, and John was just beginning a brand new life. He nestled in closer to Alex, ready to face whatever the new year brought together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you've all enjoyed going on this journey with me!
> 
> And I hope the 2700ish words of porn made up for the way the last chapter ended.
> 
> If you're disappointed in the lack of smut in this work, then I have good news for you. I'm only a few chapters into part 2 of the series and there's ALREADY more smut in that one. 
> 
> If you were disappointed in the lack of Lafayette, more good news. Part 2 is much more focused on his and John's relationship and the three of them delving into their feelings for one another as a unit. 
> 
> I seriously cannot thank those of you who left comments on every or nearly every chapter enough! It's been incredibly uplifting and encouraging and I love you all for it. <3
> 
> Come find me on tumblr @ilovefoodandgirls and feel free to pester me about one shots and part 2 or send me requests or ask me questions. I love hearing from you guys.
> 
> Thank you all again for reading!


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